Ever Been to Shadow Moses?

Anyone who even remotely knows me personally will know why I liked this article so much:

Video-Game Character Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses 'Continue'

I mean, he even says his name is David at the end of the first one! Coincidence? I think not.

Luden's: Cough Medicine or Candy?

Because of the recent Noah reenactment going on in the Northeast part of the country, never ending rain topped off with a touch of 40-degree weather, I now find myself with a cold. And I'm one of these people who never gets sick; the total times I've been genuinely sick in the last ten years (not counting the times I faked it to get out of going to high school,) has to be less then five. So when I really am sick, it pisses me off. The amount of yellow/white colored snot that has been flying out of my nose has been astronomical, not to mention the incessant wet coughing.

To combat these symptoms, I picked up a box of Tylenol Cold with day and night tablets, and the essential remedy for anyone who has ever even remotely had a sore throat: Luden's Wild Cherry Cough Drops. When I pulled the bag off the shelf along with the box of Tylenol, Kristin says to me: "Oh please, like that's going to do anything. Luden's isn't medicine, it's candy." But is she right?

I can remember going to Walgreen's with my brother in Florida and buying the little boxes of Luden's with the little wax paper bag inside purely for the taste; I think it was my mother who introduced the little delicious red miracles to us.

My dad also once actually forced me to take a menthol Luden's when I had a cough on the way to a restaurant. I told him the menthol was making me feel nauseous. He told me to stop being such a little faker crybaby. I threw up when we got to the restaurant.

Asides from the evil menthol mutation, Luden's is admittedly a fantastic treat. They taste so good. You can't beat the delicious cherry flavor that seeps out of it. Most cough drops taste like grandpa; all medicine-y and unpleasant. Which is why Luden's is every sane person's choice when you have a tickle in your throat.

But do they actually work? It says the active ingredient in Luden's is pectin, which is apparently a cough suppressant. But when I checked the definition of pectin, it says:

1 : any of various water-soluble substances that bind adjacent cell walls in plant tissues and yield a gel which is the basis of fruit jellies
2 : a product containing mostly pectin obtained as a powder or syrup (as by extraction with acid of citrus peels, dried apple pomace, or dried sugar beet slices) and used chiefly in making jelly and other foods, in pharmaceutical products especially for the control of diarrhea, and in cosmetics

So pretty much, it doesn't have anything to do with a cough, unless that cough is coming out of your ass and is full of diarrhea. Plus, two of the inactive ingredients mentioned on the Luden's package are corn syrup and sucrose, which are sugar agents typically found in anything sweet.

And, to be honest, I really have never experienced any effects from using Luden's during a sore throat. I think the only reason you might feel better is because you end up eating like 40 of them and have more sugar in your blood than a gallon of Dr. Pepper.

So pretty much, Kristin caught me in my deceit: I can use my cough as an excuse to eat "medical" candy and not have to feel bad about it. Not that it will make me stop buying or eating them. They're too damn delicious.

Drunk Anyone?

I am drunk right now.

I saw Lisa P. tonight. She is visiting from Boston. I told her to chill with the 'I have no boyfriend' shit. It's annoying. Soory, but it is.

We broke out the Fly Creek bottle of wine tonight. Was a huge hit. Everyone loved it. Unfortunately, weveryone had some, so there's not much left. Whatevas.

For some reason, all my friends think I'm Jewsih. Literally. All of them think I am of the Jewish faith. I am not (not that there's anything wrong with that). But I'm not. I love Christmas.

We went ot the OST. Great time. Always clutch misic.

Yes, there are a lot of misspellings. I haven't drunk in al ong time. Excuse me.

Um.....what else?

For some reason, everyone at Monahan's party tponight who had Verizon as their cell carrier had their phones cloks 2 hours off. It was wierd. Anyone know why?

I have a teat on Thursday.

Not teat, test. Yes, I could have corrected the misspelling above., I don't care. It's funny.

I'm listening to 'A Lover's Concerto' right now.

The girl bleow sucked in high school.


I typed in 'Harborfields' into Yahho and this is what came up. Remember her? Damn, she was so fucking gay.


I'm going to be embarassed by this post in he morning.

Heroin = Success

For some reason, every movie I've watched for the last three weeks has involved heroin in one way or another. I'm really on a hot streak right now--The Doors, Trainspotting, Ray, and most recently Requiem for a Dream.

Not really having done many drugs, I am ignorant about subjects about this, but I can't imagine what the conversation must be like when someone wants to do heroin for the first time. Does it really look that appealing? First off, you're stabbing yourself with needles. Second, all the people you hang out with who are doing it are fucking insane; they are all gaunt and crazy-looking, living on a soiled mattress in some dump where everything is covered in mold and the clap.

If you are a person today who has seen movies like these, and STILL does it, you shouldn't be alive anyway. There's no way you can watch a movie like Requiem for a Dream and still want to try it. After seeing that gigantic purple open wound Jared Leto had on his arm at the end of the movie, I would swear off anything that caused it; if you told me he got that because of masturbation, that would be the end of my all-time favorite hobby. Nothing could make me do it if I thought it would result in that fucking pus dripping thing.

However, if you look at it, heroin is also the cause is some of the greatest music in history. The Doors and Ray Charles alone made some fantastic music during their times of high drug abuse. And I think the guy from Sublime was a heroin junkie, too. I'm sure there are hundreds of others.

You know what? Screw it. If you're a semi-talented musician, I advise you to try heroin. So what if you'll alienate yourself from everyone and everything you've ever loved? You'll make some kick ass tunes.

A Link to the Past

I wrote a post In August about how I've noticed many girls who made the same exact face in every single picture they're ever in. Today, the talented Lisa P. sent me this link which proves my point exactly. You should never be able to do this with someone's pictures.

The rain finally stopped on the Eastern seaboard, and with it came some amazing cold weather. I know the vast majority of people don't like the onset of winter, but I love it. Today it couldn't have gotten higher than 53, plus it was cloudy and a bit windy, which kept the temperature down, too. Saturday's weather forecast was calling for snow showers, which excites me. You really need the cold weather to appreciate the fall, with all the colors changing so nicely. Fall is awesome.

We are thinking of making another movie. Since our last string of films was so damn popular, we've been itching to come up with another idea. I have one in mind that would be great, but it would be too complicated and too stressful to try and wrangle my unreliable friends into committing to. Instead, I came up with an idea that would highlight something me and Silva are constantly talking about. I'll make sure to tell you more about it as it develops, but I want to keep it quiet, build up anticipation. For now, just go and watch the first installment of the grilled cheese saga. In my opinion, the second movie, the longer of the two, is more enjoyable, but you gotta love the classics. Hopefully we'll get part two up on the web one day.

I keep thinking this week is going to be kind of laid back and relaxing, and it keeps blowing up in my face. I don't even feel like going into why. Just know that it sucks.

Does anyone else think that new Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps" is the stupidest song they've ever heard in their lives? Dman, they are really the epitome of why music is so fucked up today. And what the hell is with those lyrics? "My lovely lady lumps?" What is that? That's the dumbest, most unattractive way to talk about tits. Lady lumps. That's so dumb. What's next? Instead of talking about her ass, is she going to say she has a real nice "shit factory"? I can't wait until that trash is played out.

Me and Kristin went to the Fly Creek Cider Mill on Sunday, which was awesome. Fresh cider is so good. And they had a little produce section in the back where you could sample all the apples they had, all cut in nice little wedges. I went around and tried every one like a mule. Kristin thought I was being a jackass. I thought it was more mule-ish. We also got a delicious jar of pasta sauce they had, made out of parmesan, pine nuts, and some other stuff, but it was amazing. I want to go back before they close; they're having a seminar on how to make wassail, like in the song, "Here we come a-wassailing, a-dum a-dum....whatever."

I'm thinking of going as Skeeter Valentine for Halloween. I want to try and convince two other people to go as Doug and Roger Klotz. That would be so amazing I can't even comprehend people's responses.

I'm tired. It's late. I'm going to bed

Review: Crash

I remember when Crash came out last year hearing a lot of buzz about it and wanting to see it, and is it was being heralded as a fantastic commentary on race in America today.

I finally got my hands on a copy last night, and was anticipating a real thought provoking, honest film. I would have gotten what I was expecting if I was twelve years old again and the movie was an after school special on ABC in 1987.

Basically, the movie is a mosaic of people from many different backgrounds and ethnicities in Los Angeles; there's a towelhead, a chink or two, some spicks, some honkeys, and a couple of niggers. (I kid, I kid.) Anyway, the film spotlights not only the stereotypes all these people have held against them, but also the bias they each have against people of other races. The stories of everyone is interwoven, and shows how one person's ignorant attitudes and beliefs can have a rippling effect throughout other's lives.

To have a movie that aims to show how all of us have biases and how they act as a poison to everyone in the community is excellent; more films should try and take on tough subjects like this. We've had enough romantic comedies and shitty horror films, and it's time Hollywood gets rid of these formulaic movies in favor of those that will spark thought and change in the world.

However, this movie doesn't accomplish that goal. I give Lions Gate credit for taking a chance and not making another movie starring Ben Stiller and that whole bunch of unfunny retards. But the problem is, this movie didn't really break any new ground or give anything to the audience that they could walk away with and truly look inside themselves at the stereotypes they walk around with.

The best analogy I can think of for what this movie really was is a classic sitcom storyline, say from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air: Uncle Phil has some clients over ,and he wants to appease them in any way he can so he'll get the big account. Turns out the head guy, Mr. Anderson, is a racist, and says things to the family like, "I'm glad to see a black family making a difference in the world instead of dealing drugs and robbing people." The audience goes, "OOOOOOOOOOH!!!", Will says something like "Oh no you didn't!", everyone laughs, and Uncle Phil left with a choice: keep kissing the guy's ass, or throw him out and lose the big account. In the end, Uncle Phil doesn't let his family be abused by this bigot, and throws him out, with the studio audience cheering.

This to me is a good description of most of he characters in Crash; most of them are so blatantly racist, they are not believable characters. Not many people are so openly racist to say things like, "Shaniqua? Figures a NIGGER would say that," or "I don't want this spick gangbanger in my house. He's going to give copies of our keys to all his drug dealer friends and they'll come in with Uzis and kill us."

This is too common a way to portray racists, and fortunately most people aren't this blatant with their biases. The one character who I think was an excellent example of how most people can be bias was Ryan Phillipe's character: he doesn't put up with his cop partner's racial profiling, and is respectful to his black superior officer. But when he picks up a black hitchhiker, and he thinks he is about to pull out a gun, the fear he has of African Americans is shown. To me, this was the best written character and scene in the movie. Most people won't walk around with a Confederate flag wrapped around their head, but whose true colors will show when they feel in danger.

Also, they movie really gives no resolution to the story; it shows each person's racist views, but doesn't really show anybody learning their lesson, or somehow changing their ways. It does this on only a very slight scale. I would've been much more satisfied by the film if it contained some scene where two people with different ideologies frankly discussing why they have the biases they do, and receiving some understanding from each other on how they're wrong. But that didn't happen. I really didn't get the feeling at the end of the film that any of the characters would change their ways. And sure, you could make the argument, "But that's how life really is, most people don't change," but I don't buy it.

Crash could have dealt with bias other than race as well. There was nothing in the film about stereotypes stemming from religion or sexual orientation. Personally, I think there is more hate against gays today than any of the races combined. Stereotypes against Jewish and Islamic people were also inexplicably left out of the movie. To leave this out of the film in this day and age makes the movie much less valuable.

I didn't think Crash did anything different than other movies about racism. It had characters that embodied every bad thing about their race, whose ignorance was on a scale rarely seen today (at least publicly.) If the characters had been better written, and had included many various types of bias, I would have appreciated it much more.

Overall, this is a rental at best, but only if you're very interested in the topic.

Grade: C+



See? This is what I mean, the movie is so unrealistic. Everyone knows
black men don't wear scarfs.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted (Also: A Yankee Editorial)

Big ups to the Bangles.

After I had the Philosophy test that consumed my life for the last week, we are now on a five-day break from school. With me wanting to unwind, and virtually everyone gone home for the break, I sat with Matt and Gish all night, drinking SoCo and watching the second season of The Ali G Show. As usually happens when Gish is around, the night evolved into a long discussion about movies and a heart-to-heart about life. For being as carefree and slovenly as he is, Gish is a very introspective chap.

Although we have five days off, I have enough stuff to do that it really won't feel like a break at all. I gotta write a paper about whether I believe in God or not and why for my philosophy class, which has become a specter constantly haunting my life, I have to drive Kristin to Albany to get some teacher supplies, whatever the hell that would be, I have to keep dealing with the gas company, which claimed that somehow two college students living in an apartment with only a small stove and hot water being heated by gas used $221 worth in one month, and many other things which must be of little or no interest to anyone.

I also just wanted everyone to know how happy I was with the Yankees being forced out of the playoffs in the first round. Now, there has been a surge in recent years for people who hate the Yankees to become staunch supporters of the Red Sox. I am not one of these people. I hate the Yankees for a completely un-baseball related reason. I hate them because their fans are the worst people to ever live.

My second full year of living in New York was 1996, the year they won their first Series in who knows how long. All I remember was every single person being just absolutely rabid about them winning that year. I also remember thinking, "Hmmm...I don't remember many people talking about the Yankees at all last year, and now they won't shut up.....what gives?"

Since 1996, any Yankee fan you meet is probably the most obnoxious, smug, prideful person you can imagine. "25 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS, BITCH! GREATEST SPORTS TEAM EVER! YO, FOR REAL, UNSTOPPABLE DYNASTY! BRING IT ON, BABY!!!!!!" Having to hear these phrases from April to October becomes annoying. What magnifies the frustration for me is that I suspect that the majority of Yankee fans today are only fans because they have been good for the last 10 years. I don't ever remember hearing people talk about them like this before '96, and now people won't shut up about them.

And if you ask a Yankee fan, "How long have you liked the Yankees?", you will, I guarantee, hear this response verbatim:

"I've been a Yankee fan my entire life. My father/mother liked them growing up, and so I do."
"That's weird. I don't remember you being such a hyped up fan when they sucked in the early 90s."
"No, man. I got pinstripes in my blood."
"Are you sure you're not one of those bandwagon fans?"
"No no no, no way. Yeah, I know there are a lot of them, but I'm not one of them."

Oh no, the ones you talk to are never one of the bandwagon fans. They all acknowledge they are out there in droves, but you can never find one to talk to.

My suspicion is that most of the Yankee fans today were big Bulls fans, big Dallas Cowboy fans back in the day. Hell, if you think about it, there were a lot of Rangers fans before, and now you barely ever see anyone being a crazy Rangers fan. Why? Because they haven't won the Stanley Cup in 10 years, so they don't get any support. As soon as they are good again, I bet you'll just hear "RANGERS, MAN, HERE COMES THE DYNASTY!!!" all over New York. You're all so fickle.

I can't wait. I can't wait until the Yanks suck. I can't wait to see their fan support diminish into nothing. I'd LOVE to hear the excuses for why they're not that into the Yankees anymore.

"Ah, man, Steinbrenner is screwing up the team. They're not the same organization they were when I was a big fan."

That will be the excuse. I'd put money down on it.

And, as another example of this fickleness, have you ever seen what Yankee fans do if someone on the team isn't playing to perfection?

"OH, FUCK HIM! GET HIM OFF THE FUCKING TEAM! FUCKING WORTHLESS!"

They have no faith in their players.

And, of course, my big argument is that you really can't support a team that has about quadruple the payroll of most other teams in the majors. Wow, you're in the playoffs again? You should be. If you're spending $209 million dollars a year, you should be coasting right through everyone. And since they're continually struggling, just barely making the postseason, they are just not that good a team. Period. No team spending more and more each year should be struggling like this. So all that crap Yankee fans spout about team chemistry are full of shit. It doesn't exist.

Go ahead. Now you can rip on the Marlins. But all I have to say is this:

Marlins 2003 payroll: $54 million
Yankees 2003 payroll: $164 million

And we beat you. On your field.

A Yankee fan can never say anything to me. Ever.

Babbling, Incoherent Non Sequitors

My Life Has Been Consumed By the Allegory of the Cave