Vacation, All I Ever Wanted (Also: A Yankee Editorial)

Big ups to the Bangles.

After I had the Philosophy test that consumed my life for the last week, we are now on a five-day break from school. With me wanting to unwind, and virtually everyone gone home for the break, I sat with Matt and Gish all night, drinking SoCo and watching the second season of The Ali G Show. As usually happens when Gish is around, the night evolved into a long discussion about movies and a heart-to-heart about life. For being as carefree and slovenly as he is, Gish is a very introspective chap.

Although we have five days off, I have enough stuff to do that it really won't feel like a break at all. I gotta write a paper about whether I believe in God or not and why for my philosophy class, which has become a specter constantly haunting my life, I have to drive Kristin to Albany to get some teacher supplies, whatever the hell that would be, I have to keep dealing with the gas company, which claimed that somehow two college students living in an apartment with only a small stove and hot water being heated by gas used $221 worth in one month, and many other things which must be of little or no interest to anyone.

I also just wanted everyone to know how happy I was with the Yankees being forced out of the playoffs in the first round. Now, there has been a surge in recent years for people who hate the Yankees to become staunch supporters of the Red Sox. I am not one of these people. I hate the Yankees for a completely un-baseball related reason. I hate them because their fans are the worst people to ever live.

My second full year of living in New York was 1996, the year they won their first Series in who knows how long. All I remember was every single person being just absolutely rabid about them winning that year. I also remember thinking, "Hmmm...I don't remember many people talking about the Yankees at all last year, and now they won't shut up.....what gives?"

Since 1996, any Yankee fan you meet is probably the most obnoxious, smug, prideful person you can imagine. "25 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS, BITCH! GREATEST SPORTS TEAM EVER! YO, FOR REAL, UNSTOPPABLE DYNASTY! BRING IT ON, BABY!!!!!!" Having to hear these phrases from April to October becomes annoying. What magnifies the frustration for me is that I suspect that the majority of Yankee fans today are only fans because they have been good for the last 10 years. I don't ever remember hearing people talk about them like this before '96, and now people won't shut up about them.

And if you ask a Yankee fan, "How long have you liked the Yankees?", you will, I guarantee, hear this response verbatim:

"I've been a Yankee fan my entire life. My father/mother liked them growing up, and so I do."
"That's weird. I don't remember you being such a hyped up fan when they sucked in the early 90s."
"No, man. I got pinstripes in my blood."
"Are you sure you're not one of those bandwagon fans?"
"No no no, no way. Yeah, I know there are a lot of them, but I'm not one of them."

Oh no, the ones you talk to are never one of the bandwagon fans. They all acknowledge they are out there in droves, but you can never find one to talk to.

My suspicion is that most of the Yankee fans today were big Bulls fans, big Dallas Cowboy fans back in the day. Hell, if you think about it, there were a lot of Rangers fans before, and now you barely ever see anyone being a crazy Rangers fan. Why? Because they haven't won the Stanley Cup in 10 years, so they don't get any support. As soon as they are good again, I bet you'll just hear "RANGERS, MAN, HERE COMES THE DYNASTY!!!" all over New York. You're all so fickle.

I can't wait. I can't wait until the Yanks suck. I can't wait to see their fan support diminish into nothing. I'd LOVE to hear the excuses for why they're not that into the Yankees anymore.

"Ah, man, Steinbrenner is screwing up the team. They're not the same organization they were when I was a big fan."

That will be the excuse. I'd put money down on it.

And, as another example of this fickleness, have you ever seen what Yankee fans do if someone on the team isn't playing to perfection?

"OH, FUCK HIM! GET HIM OFF THE FUCKING TEAM! FUCKING WORTHLESS!"

They have no faith in their players.

And, of course, my big argument is that you really can't support a team that has about quadruple the payroll of most other teams in the majors. Wow, you're in the playoffs again? You should be. If you're spending $209 million dollars a year, you should be coasting right through everyone. And since they're continually struggling, just barely making the postseason, they are just not that good a team. Period. No team spending more and more each year should be struggling like this. So all that crap Yankee fans spout about team chemistry are full of shit. It doesn't exist.

Go ahead. Now you can rip on the Marlins. But all I have to say is this:

Marlins 2003 payroll: $54 million
Yankees 2003 payroll: $164 million

And we beat you. On your field.

A Yankee fan can never say anything to me. Ever.