We're, Like, Totally Self-Absorbed!

With the arrival of the fall semester, one annual tradition inevitably follows: Rush Week. Now from what I understand, this is the time of year when fraternities and sororities try to find the most impressionable students who crave the acceptance of their peers at any cost, and recruit them to basically treat them like dirt for four months so they will be friends with them. There's nothing like calling someone a fat ugly slut and making them binge drink to truly earn a person's friendship.

It doesn't take a detective to see my stance on the whole Greek Life phenomena, but I noticed one thing today that I felt I had to comment on. Why do sororities come up with the most obnoxious, pompous slogans to put on the back of their shirts? The logic of this really perplexes me; a sorority wants people to join their house/club/whatever,
so they write phrases on their backs that would make even the most pliable person have nothing to do with them?

Today I was out in the Quad, and I saw some of these sorority people out trying to get people to come to their little party or whatever it was. They all had new shirts made for Rush '05, and all of them had some outlandish saying on the back. Here are the most audacious:

"You take them because you need them. We take them because we want them."

"Fulfilling our dreams, living your fantasies."

"We might be bitches, but you still want to be us."

And so on and so forth. How is that supposed to draw someone to your organization? Why would any person with a shred of self-respect be associated with such a group? Still want to be you? Who the fuck do you think you are? Nobody wants to be you. YOU want people to be you; you like to think people want to be you, that's how you define yourself. You think because you can have those million dollar handbags and cars and shit, and go tanning four times a week, that you are living some sort of posh, luxurious lifestyle. But anyone who's got half a brain knows that in a few years when you graduate, you'll have focused too much of your time in college on being a legend in your own mind, and won't be able to take care of yourself. Once the trust fund money runs out, you'll either have to learn to suck dick really, really good, or you will end up as that 45-year-old woman working at Banana Republic in the mall, wondering what the hell you're going to do now that you've got cellulite on your thighs and crow's feet in the corners of your eyes.

I'd love to hear an explanation from somebody in one of these spoiled brat sororities about why they write shit like that on their backs. Oh, man. I would get so much pleasure out of that argument.

Anyone reading this, I implore you: if you have a friend in a sorority who has shirts with something like this on it, stop being their friend. They are too fargone to be saved and will just drag you down with them.

I hate sororities so much.


Kappa Phi Sigma: We Have Less Visible Herpes Than You