The Best and Worst of 2004

I realized when I came up with the idea of this that it's hard for me to remember all the way back to January. I'm going to do my best to make sure I don't leave anything out.

5 Best Things About 2004

5. Yankees Didn't Win the World Series - It's such a good feeling to know that all these annoying, fake ass Yankee fans were once again denied the chance to yell "27 CHAMPIONSHIPS, BABY!!!! WOOOO!!!" Really, with they way they restructure every off-season, and the way they pillage teams like Norsemen, you should except nothing less. And, add to the fact that it was the Red Sox, you had so many Yankee fans left with only one thing to say: "Yeah, well, uh......26 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS, BABY!!!! WOOOO!!!"


4. Grilled Cheese Videos - Hopefully we will get them online sometime. These things were so fun to make, and it's awesome that everyone likes them. I just kind of find it weird that of all things to catch on, it would be movies about grilled cheeses. It just proves people will buy into anything.

3. Quizno's -They opened one up right near my house over the summer. I have probably spent about $300 dollars since then on the near-perfect Chicken Carbonara. I have never eaten a sandwich like this before. You just have to make sure they put it through twice. I sometimes get tempted to start a franchise of this place. I really think anywhere you put it. It would make so much money, like the Arab who owns this new one. For the rest of the summer, you couldn't go there between 12 and 2:30, the lines would seriously be out the door.

2. Metal Gear Solid 3 - I have waited three long years to find out who the Patriots are. And although I am not totally content with what I found out, I am still glad they came out with a game with such great gameplay, and the classic Metal Gear storyline. Throw in the mother of all boss battles, which I still defy someone to beat it in under an hour. I just don't believe it can be done. I love those games so much. It doesn't get any better.

1. The Establishment of "oan" - This has changed my life. Who knew some random babble between me and Jackobel on the way home from white water rafting would turn into what it has become. I can't even go home anymore without our insane dialect creeping up on me and just jumping out of my mouth whenever I speak to anyone. I tip my hat to you, Carl Johnsoan. Jeffersoan. Clintoan. Nixoan. Madisoan. Washingtoan. Lincoan. Wilsoan. Hamiltoan.

5 Worst Things About 2004

5. Working at Tuesday Morning - This place sucked so bad. I figured working near the place where the rest of my friends worked would make for a less boring day, the fact that it was 2 seconds from my house meant that I could get up for work 5 minutes before I had to get there, and besides, who goes to Tuesday Morning? There can't be that much to do, right? EEEEEENNNNNNHHHHH. Wrong. Try unloading 900 boxes at 8 in the morning when it is 80 degrees out, leaving work to go to math class, then coming back to open all the boxes at breakneck speed. Then have a boss breathing down your neck asking you when all the boxes will be opened and how she used to do the same job by herself in one day. Bullshit. Your niece is a lesbian. If you were so skilled at it, why did you hire ME to do it? You wander around the store all day, and you're going to ask me why I'm not done opening a pile of boxes literally 11 feet high that all came from India and are all wrapped in Styrofoam and have bugs in them that look like they're from Total Recall? Get the fuck out of here. How about I just stop showing up? Keep your big lesbo workforce. Get them up at 7 to sweat their fallopians off. I don't need you and your shitty pay.

4. Taking Intro to Business - Dr. Walsh, it is not possible for me to memorize every single paragraph in 350 pages worth of material. And thanks by the way for giving us quizzes every week. And thanks for having a 2 1/2 hour class that you give us no break because you'll 'let us out early'. Oh, and I really appreciate you giving us 6 possible essay questions with 2 going to be on the final and we have to do both? I really am happy I am wasting my time memorizing 4 essays that I won't even need. What kind of teacher are you? Who says straight off, "I make my tests intentionally hard,"? Why would you do that? What pleasure do you get out of it? If you know its hard, why leave it that way? Do you think we have nothing else going on in our lives than to recite the three great economists and the pros and cons of a sole proprietorship (ease of start-up, possible tax advantages, secrecy, but unlimited liability, lack of management skills, and lack of continuity)? Thanks for making this semester awful.

3. Dolphins Sucking for the First Time in my Life - The Dolphins have been good for as long as I have been alive. They have always been a decent/contender franchise. But thanks to Ricky Williams, tons of injuries, and lack of a quarterback, nick knack paddy-whack, they have only won two games this season. Isn't Florida allowed to have at least one good team?

2. Ashlee Simpson Somehow Becomes Famous - This makes me so mad. When I first show the show, I said to myself, "If this stupid, superficial, trying-too-hard dumbass becomes popular, it will prove to me once and for all people will suck up anything television throws at them." 3 million albums later, I now know people are 100% ruled by TV. First off, she acts like the gayest fucking person to ever live--her way of being a 'rebel' and 'outrageous' and 'wacky' consists of her making faces and doing voices. Don't believe me? Watch the damn show, but think about "Why do people think this girl is fun?" when you watch it. All she does: make goofy faces, talk about how punk she is, and sing so off key I actually laughed when I saw it. Come on, everyone, you know she can't sing for shit. Really. I mean, listen to her finished product; the tracks off her album even sound bad. State of the art technology could not make her into a better singer. You know who I blame this on? Her father. This guy must sit at Satan's left hand. He's her manager, the executive producer of her and her sister's show, et cetera et cetera. This guy is using his daughters as a pension plan. What an asshole. I bet if a sex tape with either one of them on it comes out, he'll be involved. Whore your daughters to the mass media all for some money. Fucking prick. Speaking of pricks....

1. Bush Wins - There's nothing left to say about this. I still get these waves of fear when I think about the fact he will be in office until I am 25. With this guy at the helm, I will have a lot worse things in my "Worst of..." in the years to come.