Now, I can't comment on the books, having too much self-respect to read them, but I'm guessing the movies and books are basically the same. I've been forced to see all three of these atrocities in the theaters by Kristin. Through those wasted hours, I have studied and scrutinized the films, and come to the conclusion that people must be idiots to have made J.K. Rowling the richest woman in Britain. The only credit I give this woman is being able to con so many people that she ends up a BILLIONAIRE, with a few books to go and I'm sure more movies. BILLIONAIRE.
BILLIONAIRE. For writing a story. About WIZARDS. And WITCHES. Holy shit, that is the most original thing I've ever heard.
That's my main problem with the Harry Potter franchise, it is not an original, creative idea. She did not invent the idea of wizards and magic. People act like there has been no mention of magic in the last 1700 years other than what this lady has written. She didn't invent this. It is not a new concept.
You know what the name of the forest is that surrounds the school is named? The Dark Forest. Amazing! The mind that came up with that deserves to be a BILLIONAIRE!!!!!
I honestly believe that one reason so many people like this series is because she gives weird names to things. That's not a person anymore, it's a muggle. A ball? No, no, it's Quafiki. When you have to pee, you go to the naipershundy. Yum Yum! My favorite dish is the bra-goosh-ner with wanecrott. Even though I made all those up, you get the idea. If you don't believe me, watch the movies.
Also, the characters are really irritating. The redheaded stepchild, all he's good for in the movies is making goofy faces. This one I'm not even exaggerating. If you watch any of the movies, this kid makes stupid faces he calls 'acting' throughout 90% of the film.
Harry is no better. These kids break every single rule Hogwart's has, gets caught by the big guy with the beard, and what does he say? "For knowingly breaking every rule we have set forth for the students of Hogwart's, we have no choice but to............AWARD 50 POINTS TO GRIFFENDOR!!!!"
What?!?! How does that make sense? Yet it happens in every movie.
I'm not even gonna get into why the entire plot of the third movie is destroyed in one scene. All I'm going to say is that if you are standing in a house and someone throws a rock at you, and you turn around and see no one, then later on go back in time to that very moment and find yourself throwing a rock at yourself, then when the first rock was thrown at you something else must have been throwing rocks at you other than yourself because you can't justify you throwing a rock at you before you even went back in time because how else did the first rock get thrown?
If you can follow and understand that rambling, you have tapped into the reason why the crux of the third Harry Potter movie doesn't make sense.
Hogwart's also seems to not have heard of Brown v. Board of Ed. yet, because there are virtually no black people at Hogwarts. You'll see one or two thrown into big crowd scenes, but that's about it. The only black kid with a speaking part is the kid who does the announcing at the flying rugby games. But of course, they have to make the black kid a DJ, right? Wizards are so racist.
Also, if every kid that goes into the Slitherin house goes bad, then why even have a Slitherin house to begin with? As soon as the talking hat yells out, "SLITHERIN!" take the child and throw them in jail. The movie actually says that all the people picked for that house turn to evil, yet they are still allowed to exist. Sense makers.
I have come up with a few ways to entertain myself when coerced into viewing any Potter movie. One is to fall asleep, a technique I used in the theater during the first movie. The second is to compare the goings-on in the film to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict (number two actually pays out like it). And the third is to sit in the packed theater on opening night that you were dragged to and stare at the people in front of you dressed up like wizards to see the movie and think of ways you would want to kill them (only thing that kept me sane during the third one.) You can also wait until the movie is over and rant for forty minutes on the car ride home about how the time travel didn't make any sense and get everyone so mad at you that they refuse to speak to you when you get out of the car. I didn't care, though. The whole movie was based on the premise of "It doesn't have to make any sense whatsoever. It's a movie, and therefore can do whatever it wants and you should just accept it."
Never.
The best thing to get you through these movies is to picture what they're gonna be like when they're all like 17 years old. "Harry, do you know the abortion spell? I got Hermione pregnant!!" I actually came up with a whole scenario for this during one of them, but I forgot it. Oh well.
In conclusion, please don't be one of those people who falls for this trash (or rubbish, since we're being English) and says that they stories are so whimsical and fun, because in essence its a story thats been told for hundreds of years with some odd names thrown in.
See you on Platform 9 3/4.
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