"I'm Really Down on These Asian Pitchers"

Quote attributed to Christopher Gish.

I don't know what's going on, but it seems recently many of my friends, myself included, are just down on life. Yesterday walking from Matt's to Miller's, I realized I feel so indifferent towards everything. Like when I saw the car last weekend, I didn't get mad or upset, just a feeling of, "Why won't stuff like this stop happening?"

Silva said the same thing last night. And Gish said the same thing this morning. None of us really care about anything anymore. I'm just tired of doing work; I'm burned out. I don't feel like doing anything, nothing is fun. I'm sick of it. I know Silva is burned out, too. Gish........Gish I'm not sure. Maybe he's tired of.......I don't know........eating wraps.

I'm ready to go home. Luckily, most of my finals are going to be in-class. It looks like the only one I'm going to have during the allotted time is Fundamentals of Management, on May 16th. If that one wasn't during finals, I could leave on the 11th, which would be true ass.

I start at News 12 on May 23rd, which kind of sucks because I'm not going to get that much free time before I get into Summer Work Mode. I'd like a good two weeks to just lie around, maybe go on a trip for a few days with the bownas, but it won't be enough time. I'm also too broke. Cutting it close this year, have about $200 in the bank. But the money I made over last summer lasted me this long again, so whatevas.

It just hit me like a wave. I want to go home so bad. Fuck this fucking small ass dorm room. I'm sick of dealing with all the crap here.

I'm going to go play Metal Gear Solid 3 and do laundry.



On a sidenote, anyone who has gone to school with someone from upstate New York knows that they refer to soda as "pop". We all know this is wrong and homosexual. But about half the country says pop instead of soda. Here is a map of the US with a county-by-county breakdown of what is the prevailing vernacular.

Carbonated Beverage Phrase Map

Most of the states that voted for Bush also say pop. Big surprise.





Here is a picture of some kids in Halloween costumes. I don't know what the little fag dressed like a vampire is thinking. Vampires don't wear top hats.

Regular Guy My Ass

One of the things most Bush supporters I have talked to say is that one of Bush's most likeable qualities is that he seems just like a regular guy: hard working man who gets his hands dirty, who you can see yourself sitting at a barstool with after work, having a beer and shooting the breeze.

People who say this are a good example of the medical disorder called dementia.

Despite the fact that maybe the role of president shouldn't be occupied by a "regular guy" in the first place, the truth is Bush is not a regular guy at all.

Now I could argue it here with different facts and whatnot, but I believe the best way to make my point is by an illustration.

The link below is a photograph taken of the Bush ranch in Texas. Keep in mind ALL the land in the photo is part of the ranch:

Massive Bush Ranch

The thing is the size of that Living Forest in Lord of the Rings.

Now I don't know about the regular guys you know, but I don't know to many that own miles and miles and miles of land as their VACATION HOME. This isn't even his usual place of residence. And I'm not talking about the White House, either. They also own tons of land in the Northeast.

So, for all you suffering from dementia, I hope this was your cure. Probably not, though. You'll believe what you want no matter how many facts are shoved in your face.

One More Great Reason to Visit the Site 12 Times a Day

Consider this a present for visiting this crappy website:

Leaked NEW Episode of Family Guy

I can tell you that it looks like they haven't lost a step during the 3-year hiatus. Funny stuff.


You're welcome.

Update 4/27: Apparently way too many people visited the site, and the movie was taken offline. Oh well, it's going to be on TV on Sunday anyway. Just watch it then. You just won't be able to brag how cool you are for a few days.

A Banner Weekend

It started out OK. Meg's birthday party was awesome.

Then Kristin got sick and threw up all over Oneonta. Then I went to get my car at Silva's and someone smashed my windshield. I've got a ton of work to do, a speech on Wednesday that I hate, a paper on Friday, internship paperwork to take care of, and have to go drop a few hundred dollars to fix the car sometime in between.

The next five days are going to suck.

I hate you all.

Love,

David

Somebody Needs A Visit From Dr. Phil

Now, as anyone who has been around one or the other knows, Rob and Lisa have a weird relationship. It's all over the place.

You know how sometimes when people refuse to talk to each other, they get a different person to relay information between the two disputing parties? Somehow I became that person, and got caught in the middle of a Rob/Lisa showdown, the reason for the dispute I do not know. I just got brought into it in the middle.

Also, this is the first time I've experienced this during an online argument. Somewhat un-Orthodox.

To make this as easy to follow as possible, I have colored the times I was talking to Lisa in purple, and times I was talking to Rob in blue. I have also put the responses in chronological order, to give the reader a sense of what was being said at what times.

Klb671 (3:18:59 PM): tell rob he is a bumbfuck
Fantom05 (3:19:29 PM): why is he a bumbfuck, when the term is actually bumblefuck?
Klb671 (3:19:40 PM): oh yeah....lol

Fantom05 (3:19:59 PM): Klb671 (3:18:59 PM): tell rob he is a bumbfuck
RobtheMadman521 (3:28:16 PM): tell my gitlfriend shes a fucking asshole

Fantom05 (3:29:02 PM): RobtheMadman521 (3:28:16 PM): tell my gitlfriend shes a fucking asshole
Klb671 (3:29:15 PM): tell him to fucking grow up and leave me the fuck alone

Fantom05 (3:29:25 PM): Klb671 (3:29:15 PM): tell him to fucking grow up and leave me the fuck alone

Fantom05 (3:29:36 PM): oh boy, this is a fun position to be in, relationship insult messenger

RobtheMadman521 (3:29:37 PM): lol
RobtheMadman521 (3:29:44 PM): tell her shes a poo poo face

Klb671 (3:29:51 PM): haha i have no idea why he brought you into this

Fantom05 (3:30:00 PM): oh shit, you went there?
RobtheMadman521 (3:30:09 PM): damn right I did

Fantom05 (3:30:16 PM): RobtheMadman521 (3:29:44 PM): tell her shes a poo poo face
Klb671 (3:30:47 PM): wow, i'm done....dont send him anything from me

Fantom05 (3:31:09 PM): Klb671 (3:30:47 PM): wow, i'm done....dont send him anything from me
RobtheMadman521 (3:31:15 PM): lol
Fantom05 (3:31:18 PM): i did it anyway
RobtheMadman521 (3:31:37 PM): lol
RobtheMadman521 (3:32:58 PM): ah screw her anyway, I had sex with her sister
Fantom05 (3:33:12 PM): hahaha
RobtheMadman521 (3:33:23 PM): send her that, i'm curious as to how shes gonna react
Fantom05 (3:33:32 PM): all right hold on

Fantom05 (3:33:42 PM): RobtheMadman521 (3:32:58 PM): ah screw her anyway, I had sex with her sister
Klb671 (3:36:54 PM): he is such a jerk
Fantom05 (3:37:24 PM): you two are nuts

Fantom05 (3:37:05 PM): Klb671 (3:36:54 PM): he is such a jerk
RobtheMadman521 (3:37:43 PM): lol

Klb671 (3:37:46 PM): oh god don't send that to him!
Klb671 (3:37:55 PM): abrams you're a jerk
Fantom05 (3:38:05 PM): hahahahaha, what'd i do
Fantom05 (3:38:31 PM): if you would have said it faster than 2 minutes later you couldve warned me

Two things of note:

1) It was Lisa who brought me into this , not Rob. She says, "i have no idea why he brought you into this," when in reality it is her own fault.

2) I wanted to show that Lisa waited a full minute in telling me not to send that 'jerk' comment. I am absolved of any malicious intent or wrongdoing.

I wish these crazy kids the best of luck and hope they have a happy life together. Let's give them a hand!

The Confessions of Lieutenant Homo

So right now I'm listening to my gay RA roommate who goes into the freshman girls' room across the hall when he wants to feel wise and important, and is telling them how he sassed some teacher.

Apparently, the teacher was talking about guys who are really strong and how they spend 6 hours in the gym and use steroids, and at the end of it said, "Isn't that right, Steve?" referencing this kid's huge frame. He said:

"And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me, guy? I actually said fuck to him to, I said are you fucking kidding me, guy? Who says that? And I got up and walked out of the room. Who does this guy think he is?"

Obviously the reason Steve (also known as Lt. Homo) got pissed is because the teacher hit it right on the money: this kid does spend all his time in the gym, AND he does steroids. Gish overheard him talking in the gym once about how steroids really don't do anything to you.

Then, Lt. Homo starts spouting off at the mouth about how tomorrow is 4/20 and he hates that people smoke weed, more than usual, on that day:

"I ask what day it is tomorrow, and these kids sitting in front of me are like yo its 4/20, and I'm like what is that and they're like dude its like smokeout day, and like all these fucking kids are going to go to class stoned and shit, and like I hate that shit, like to all these people 4/20 is like weed day, no, 4/20 is the anniversary of Columbine, assholes."

Two things are wrong with this: first, this kid is the last one who can get angry with people who substance abuse, as he not only uses fucking steroids and chews tobacco, but also is drunk half the time anyway.

THEN, this kid has the fucking nerve to act like he is pissed at people for not remembering the anniversary of Columbine. This coming from a huge Republican tool who advocates guns everywhere, a kid that I've heard on several times go in and try to be a psuedo-intellectual about politics but can only find little freshman girls who won't contradict him to yell his views at. This piece of shit has the nerve to be that condescending. A kid who loves to pretend he's Mr. Patriotic and loving the USA and loving our troops for their bravery and listen to too much Kenny Chesney and country music and wear a fucking cowboy hat because he wants to be a redneck, this 23-year old junior in college who the US Army would love to have enlist but doesn't do it, why? Because he's a fucking hypocritical coward who supports stuff, just as long as it doesn't effect HIS life.

Go fuck yourself you juiced-up, sheltered, spoiled brat.

Holy shit. I haven't been pissed like this in a while.







OK, its out of my system.

Anyway, its been nice out. People outside constantly, etc etc you've heard my rant about it. But take a look here. On Saturday, there's CHANCE OF SNOW. I doubt there is anywhere in the world where it goers from being in the 80s one day to snowing that weekend. I can't wait to see the people on Thursday, when the temperature is going to drop 30 degrees, who didn't watch the news or Weather Channel, walk outside in their tanktops, flip-flops, and khaki shorts, and get hit with some sub-freezing early morning air.

Damn. I really talk about weather a lot.

Mets Fans Are the New Yankee Fans

So the Mets reach .500 and every Mets fan on Earth acts like they won a World Series in almost 20 years. Oh, wait, that wasn't them, that was every other team.

The IMs started at about 3am this morning: first Laz, then Jackobel, then the Madman, then my brother, the lists goes on...

DannyMayonaisse (5:40:32 PM): mets already got their big slump forthe season out of the way now we're just gonna keep winning until october

Keep being delusional. The Mets always burn out around mid-July and hit a wonderful 8 game losing streak. As if that wasn't enough, they'll do another one in early September.

And as for the Marlins, their offense hasn't even begun to hand out the devastating power they wield. Give it some time.

The NL East is colored black and teal this year.




The Mets can't even do math. Retards.

I Give You....The Epitome of an AIM Profile

Not that it should surprise anyone who knows him, but Kodi has the complete archetype of an AIM profile. Take a look at this thing:

i'm not an alcoholic.. i'm a college student


I'd dodge a bullet for you....


Spring Break Photos


"when your wet dream becomes your worst nightmare"



white frame house, a college town, a bunch of people always hanging around, no real
problems we needed to drown.... but we tried our best anyway






Change is the only constant.....



Sexline: 845 807 xxx7











pictures are memories stuck in time...













something about you

===========================================================
This profile covers all the bases you need for a classic profile: something about drinking, a link to some kind of photo website (the fact that it says Spring Break Photos just gives it bonus points), a quote from an emo song, your cell phone number (but you can't just write 'Cell Phone #', it has to say Digits or something along those lines), and ending with a deep, meaningful, mysterious phrase you know is meant for that 'special someone'.

The majority of people have something along those lines as their profile. But I doubt anyone can compete with the complete and utter perfection Kodi has achieved with his personal AIM gem.

"Your permanent record will one day disqualify you from all but the hottest and noisiest of jobs."

In my Fundamentals of Management class a while back, we had to take a standardized test which tells us what kind of manager 'type' we are.

This Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator Instrument "reports a person's preferred ways of attending to the world and making decisions."

Now for the most part, I believe standardized tests are nothing more than a scheme to sell #2 pencils and Scantron sheets. But when I got this thing back, I sat in class stunned: of the sixteen possible types a person could be, mine described me almost to a T.

Before we got the results back, she had us try to guess what the results would show us to be. I picked INTJ, which is:

Introversion (interest in ideas in your mind that explain the world)

INtuition (Interest in what can be imagined, seen with the mind's eye)

Thinking (Interest in what is logical and works by cause and effect)

Judging (Interest in acting by organizing, planning, deciding)

INTJ was also the personality type the test said I was. But this was not the part that amazed me; it was the extended description of INTJ people.

This is the description:

"Logical, critical, decisive, innovator of ideas; serious, intent, highly independent; concerned with organization, determined and often stubborn. With introverted intuition as their strongest mental process, at their best when inspiration turns insight into ideas and plans for improving human knowledge and systems.

Values: organized outer life; spontaneous inner life, conceptual skills, planful independent academic learning, originality independence of mind, intellectual quickness ingenuity, non-emotional tough mindedness, freedom from interference in projects, seeing complexities and hidden meanings, improving things by finding flaws, pursuing a vision; conceptualizing, working to a plan and schedule"

I laughed out loud when I saw the "improving things by finding flaws" comment.

Most people who know me would say this hits the nail on the head. More or less it's saying I'm an anal asshole that just wants everyone to leave them alone and let them do what they need to do to get shit done.

When you're right, you're right.

WONYPALOOZA 2005

I guess I should start this tale of music, money, deception, and frustration from the beginning.

After last year's WONYpalooza was such a big success, it was almost a given that the station would put on another benefit concert this year. Even though the GM and a local music aficionado were in charge of the planning last year, since it is a charity event, it was interpreted to fall under the category of a PR job, meaning it fell under my jurisdiction. Which was OK. I mean, it can't be THAT hard to put on a concert, right?

I did not realize that such a simple idea would kill any remaining trust I had in the human race.

So around mid-February, Miller and I started to look for a venue for the show. This was our first mistake; we should've started looking months before. Anyway, since the Bullet is on "bad terms" with the station, last year's place was out of the question, so we went to the Fox. They told us they only do one show a month since all their regulars like to listen to their MP3 jukebox (the guy was so proud of the jukebox), and said we could do it in July.

No.

Then we went to the Pub, who never got back to us. We were running out of places to hold this thing when Silva recommended Smokey Joe's Cafe. They said they were open to it. But when we brought this news back to the E-Board, we were met with resistance. Supposedly we had bad blood with Smokey's too. But since the end of the semester was coming quickly, we decided to say fuck it and do it there.

Now, the format of last year's show was probably 6 or 7 bands, doing whatever amount of songs they wanted, and it worked pretty smoothly. This is what we had in mind for this year's show as well. But we didn't take the J Factor into account.

What is the J-Factor? J stands for Josh, one of the biggest scumbag douches I've met in my life. Josh is the "booking agent" for Smokey Joe's. This guy used to be a member of the station years ago, and is one of those guys that ends up staying in the college town, I guess trying to keep living the college life for as long as possible. So Miller and I go in and talk to this guy. He tells us, and I quote:

"The show I used to do with PJ up there was the biggest show ever on that station. We got back the ratings, and it was the highest rated show ever on WONY."

Problem is we don't get ratings for the station; no company does ratings for college radio. So right off the bat I can tell this guy is an egotistical cockdick.

We bring him a list of bands who want to play the show. He says he only wants 3 bands with 45-minute sets a piece. Why? "I'm exercising my executive privilege here." Wow. You are so fucking gay.

But we were not in any position to bargain, we had to put up with it or not do a show. He tells us one band, Too Hot to Kill, HAS to play the show, because, and once again I'm quoting:

"When they play here, it's like God is living in the rafters."

"Fine. Whatever. But what about the two other bands. See that band, Stop Gavrilo? One of them is a member of the station. We want as many DJs bands as possible to play. They've played here before. Is that cool if they play?"

"Have they gotten any better? Cause honestly, they aren't too good."

This guy thought we were doing a private concert for him in his living room. This shit continued. None of the bands were up to snuff for the guy. He pulled some "I'm a mover and shaker" shit with his cell phone, trying to impress us with bands he knew to get them on the lineup. Every single one crashed and burned.

We didn't have the bands solidified until no joke 72 hours before the show. The guy got some band Groove Nation which sounded so gay I was scared no one would come. But Josh's great friends bailed on him the Monday before, 5 days before the show. They must really like you.

Anyway, so that was a struggle. But there was another, more frustrating, problem that plagued us literally until the day we held the show.

The Music Industry Club asked if we were up for a joint alumni weekend. We said cool, and since WONYpalooza was to kick off Alumni Weekend, we asked them if we could borrow their equipment for the show, since we did last year. They said OK.

Then during spring break, T-minus one week before the show, their faculty advisor decided they shouldn't have anything to do with WONY anymore, so we couldn't use their stuff anymore. Why they decided this out of the clear blue is still not unclear, but it was something we had to deal with. I spent the last days of spring break trying to call anyone I could think of and trying to find if we could rent the stuff. No dice.

When we got back, some kid in CUAC said we could use his stuff. Crisis averted, right? No. Two days later, he said his friend, who's band was rejected by Josh from performing in the show, didn't want to let us use his stuff. We don't have equipment 3 days before the event.

Then we find out from a kid performing in the show we could use his. Crisis averted, right? No. He then decided he didn't want his stuff to get broken at Smokey's, so he wouldn't let us use it. Now it's one day before the show.

But the Sassman bailed us out. One of Steve Sass' housemates had the stuff, and we finally got the equipment, 3 hours before the show. Can't cut it much closer.

Back to the bands. By the time we got back the Monday of the show, we had the three bands confirmed: Stop Gavrilo, Groove Nation, and the overlords of Smokey's, Too Hot to Kill. So I made a few different flyers to hang all over campus. All I did Monday was walk all over campus hanging these flyers up.

Monday we get the call Groove Nation is out. So after spending hours and hours working on these flyers, I find out they all now inaccurate and wrong. I flipped out.

But Joystick Generation, who wanted to play the thing in the first place, finally met the Stalin of music's rigid criteria, and were on the lineup.

By the time Friday came, I was just ready for the thing to be over. As long as 20 people came, to me it was successful enough for me.

But the show actually went really, really well, especially considering the never-ending problems. Joey's was packed, the music was good, and Professor Murphy showed up, which made the thing that much better.

We ended up making $600 when all was said and done. Joey's was able to get businesses to donate goods and services to be raffled off, which alone made $110 and change.

Everyone had a great time. I'm just glad I don't have to do it ever again.

Here are some of the select pics from the show.











You can also look at other pictures taken by Oneonta's #1 shutterbug Lisa P. here. And here. She really takes a lot of pictures, it gets weird sometimes.

Live From WONYpalooza

USA

If you lived in a foreign country, and saw this, wouldn't you hate the US too?

We Stand As One

I still can't figure out if this is serious or not, but I think it is.

This video is evidence why they should not teach people from the Midwest how to use computers, because as soon as they learn, everything is just angels and beacons from Heaven.

I Think It's Fly When Girls Stop by for the Summer

...for the summer.

First true spring/summer day in Oneonta, and everyone is out of their minds. When you live in a bubble of winter for 9 months a year, when warm weather comes people don't know what to do with themselves. Everyone does everything outside; homework, use their laptops, I even saw a guy taking a crap out in the street. Everyone wants to experience it as much they can.

Two things I've noticed with warm weather: people feel compelled to play music at full blast, and the girls come out of their clothing coccoons, and show off their bodies as much as possible, sluts just flooding the streets. Every year without fail.

Anyway, I'm busy, just thought I'd give an update. I'm going to go out and walk around in the 74 degrees before Venue, and the oncoming cold and rain we're getting the next few days.

And now, I introduce Chris Jackobel as the site's very first Guest Commentator:

Fucking bownas all over school. People are laying outside tanning! It's
72 degrees. Chill out, it will be warm again. We call it "slut weather"
because whenever it gets over 60, girls decide to break out the daisy
dukes and bathing suit tops. It seems like people riot in the streets, I
couldn't drive down my street because 4 people were playing soccer and 4
people were playing football a little bit down from them. I can't stand
seeing 400 people playing frisbee on campus with no shoes on. Chill your
freaking bowna. When it's summertime and the weather dips in the the 50's
and 60's people bundle up like it's February and they're climbing Mount
Everest. I was walking around with a zipper hooded sweatshirt and people
were looking at me like I was crazy. I looked at the temperature after
that, 65. If it was Saturday and people were doing this, fine. But it's
Wednesday! I'm sure all of these people have work to do. There's no way
that the 1,000 people I saw outside have nothing to do. People ditch all
sense of personal responsibility as soon as the weather gets nice. People
suck, it will reach 70 again unless we suddenly encounter the problems
from The Day After Tomorrow. Chill your freaking bownas.

Thank you for your wise insight, Chris.

WONYPALOOZA this weekend. If you attend college in Central New York, come. You've got nothing else to do.

Sin Shitty

I am never going to go see a movie in theaters again. I can't afford it, it's too damn expensive.

Last night I went with Joe Gibbs and Liz to see Sin City. From what I had seen and heard about it, it looked like it had a lot of potential. But, alas, I was not satisfied. Imagine that; me of all people, not liking something. Crazy.

Maybe I wasn't in the mood to watch a movie; I was aggravated within five minutes of being in the theater. We walk into the Commack theater, and it was of course inhabited by four thousand sixteen year olds who know they are the toughest motherfuckers alive. We walk up to the counter: $9.25. What the fuck is that about? $9.25? It's not New York City. And even if it was, $9.25 is too much to spend on a movie anyway. Raise the price 50 cents since the last time I was there, probably over the summer. Bullshit.

So then we walk over to the concession counter. It is a requisite I get nachos at the movies, which are usually expensive anyways, but now its $4.25 for a small one. What? So I get a small nachos and a small cherry Icee, comes out to $8.16. So by myself I dropped eighteen bucks alone.

Then I get my stuff. No lie, the "drink" was no more than about three inches tall, and the nacho tray held about thirty of the small little round Tostitos chips. Joe got the large one, which is now the size of the regular. I was fucking pissed. What a fucking ripoff. Joe says to me, "Are you going to go write about this on your website now?" Yes, Joe. I am.

And these companies wonder why people download movies over BitTorrent. Because most of us can't spend $50 on a gamble of seeing a good movie or shit.

And on this gamble, I rolled snake eyes. Sin City wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't good. It was super violent and had a lot of tits and asses in it, and dripped with comic book style. Which is all good, but when it goes on, and on, and on, you get tired of it. The movie can only ride style for so long before it becomes tedious, and Sin City relied HEAVILY on it. By the end of the movie, it bordered on annoying. The movie is split up into three stories that all have characters you really don't care too much about; it never drew you in enough. I sat there waiting for something to grab my attention, but Sin City only did so for mere seconds a a time, the rest of it was just filler dialogue and cinematography trying to be an updated and gory version of movies like The Maltese Falcon and Double Indemnity.

The violence got boring. In the movie, people either get shot in the crotch or their nuts ripped off no joke about eight or nine times. The first time it happens, you say "Oh shit!", but by the last one in the farmhouse, you just shrug and mutter, "Again? Can't you think of anything else?"

Plus, the movie was about forty minutes too long. I looked down at my watch because I thought it might be over, and not even an hour had passed by. Not the sign of a good flick.

Sin City was a lot like purgatory: not bad, but not great. I can't say it was horrible, but it was definitely not worth nine bucks. If you're planning on seeing it, it's a rental at best. The best thing to do would be to borrow it from one of your friends when the DVD comes out.

As me and Joe Gibbs walked out, we were forced to give it a 2 star rating, following the strict guidelines of Netflix recommendations.

And that's the end of that.

Back to school tomorrow. Preparing for a week of nonstop suck. Wish me luck.

Everybody Die All at Once

Terri Schiavo dying, Pope dying, everybody's dying.

As of this writing, the Pope hasn't officially died yet, but it is literally all but certain.

What I can't get straight is why since 11 this morning, every single news channel has been covering his sickness to such inane detail. Nothing is changing; it's just "He's sick, he's sick, he's sick, he's sick, still sick sicksicksicksicksicksick."

Enough already. Stop covering it until you get new information. The cost of oil spiked really high today, but no, it's more important to have a constant shot of the Vatican for hours upon hours. Stop covering it until he dies, then you can go nuts, but this is just ridiculous.

Took the snow tires off my car.

Want to go see Sin City tonight, if I can talk people into going.

Going back up to school Sunday morning. Since I'm going to be insanely swamped for eight days after I get back, the posting might be sporadic, but afterwards it'll be more regular. Like anyone reads anyway. Actually, if you scroll down, you can see the counter; hits on the site are almost up to 2200. Pretty good considering the only way for anyone to find the site is through the single link in my AIM profile. I guess enough people click it when they do the daily, addictive away message check.

Whatevas.

WONYpalooza next Friday. If you're going to be in Oneonta, stop by Smokey Joe's at 7. It's going to be fun. Hopefully.

Talk to you bownas later.

Well, I Guess It's Suicide For Me

I think of a lot of stuff to write whenever I'm home, but with the computer in the frigid basement, I usually just opt to sit and stare at the furniture in the living room.

Break has been ok. The first two days I spent playing God of War, which I beat on Saturday in under nine hours. Sunday and Monday I just sat on my ass, and it was beautiful.

But by Tuesday, God decided that I was in too good a mood, and everything has gone downhill since.

Tuesday I had an internship with News 12, which didn't go so well. I thought it was going to be the usual interview, but instead it was with another applicant. By coincidence, the person I was interviewed with not only happened to be from Oneonta, but someone I have had a lot of classes with. So me and her go in, the lady asks us, "Why do you want to intern at News 12?" That was the only question. The rest of it was her telling us about the place. They only take 30 people a summer, and I heard the secretary telling her, "How many more today?" So I figure a lot of people applied, and the interview didn't give me a good feeling when it was over. So that ruined my day.

(As a sidebar, I hung out with Joe Gibbs last night, and we played God of War from 10pm to 4am.)

So today, fucking fantastic. I got up at 10:30 this morning, cleaned, vacuumed, and washed my car for the first time in almost a year. Took a shower, got in the car to go to Kristin's, and get a phone call from Silva.

"Yo Dave: bad news, man. I got an IM from Miller, said for me to tell you that the MIC said they don't want anything to do with us anymore and we can't use their equipment for WONYpalooza. Gotta go."

Now Silva is infamous for having poor skills at ending a conversation on the phone, but I don't know if it was because he knew I would freak out, because why didn't Miller just tell me herself? I get the feeling no one likes to give me bad news. Regardless, I spent the rest of the day screaming at Kristin and giving myself high blood pressure trying to figure out what to do. And remembering that I have two quizzes, a speech, and two tests within a week of getting back. So the rest of my break will be spent doing homework and trying to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do about getting equipment for the show.

Great relaxing fucking week.

Oh, and I found out where my brother is living in Arizona next year. Keep in mind, my dad recently told me that I would have to pay for my own food next year, because we have no money:

The Village on University

So my brother gets to live in a fucking palace and go to "school", while I get ulcers and scrimp so I can eat. That's fair.


OH SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE/SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE/I'M ON MY KNEES/PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE/KILL ME

I Have Been Busy

I'll write about what's been going on the past few days tonight, I promise. In the meantime, here's this:

You Want Fingers With That?

Honestly, how the hell does this happen? This is the sort of thing that people just say about fast-food to make it sound gross to people who don't care. But really, there's a line that was crossed with this one. I'm going to make sure I watch out for any follow-up story when they find out how it got there, because I'm racking my brain, and I can't think of any logical reason.

OH FUCK

Fucking insane.

Poor Man's Spring Break

Since I'm too poor to afford any trips for next week's break, I guess this weekend was the universe's way to even things out. Kind of. Even though it was fun, it still doesn't compare to going on a trip to a tropical beach.

St. Patty's Day was pretty fun, even though I didn't drink. I headed down to Kodi's about five to hang out for an hour before my radio show which Silva so cowardly weaseled out of. All week he doesn't say a word to me about not doing the show on St. Pat's, then waits until I put up an away message on Thursday afternoon to leave an IM saying something along the lines of:

"dude dont know if im going to make the show tonight ill cover a show of yours whenever you want i swear"

I unexpectedly drop by the house, Silva's already half in the bag, and I fuck with him a little bit by turning the tables and asking him if he minds doing the show alone because I want to party. He made this classic face of awkwardness, shrugged, and said "Uhhhhhhhhhhh........I was.........kinda hopin'..........you'd do it."

I told him I would but called him a coward for bailing at the last second, he laughed and said he was scared to confront me, like I'm his dad and he's telling me he got a girl pregnant. But I was given mad props for calling him all on it, and it made me feel happy inside. I love mad props.

Kodi was a complete mess, running around in some 1978 track uniform. Luckily I showed up when he had clothes on, because he not only ran down Church St. nude, but also told me later how he pulled out his dick playing beer pong, and since it was flaccid, he was pulling on it like Silly Putty to try and stretch it out. Kodi is seriously one of a kind.

After I left, people hung out, Bill got electrocuted and had to go to the hospital, blah blah blah, just your usual St. Patty's Day stuff.

Friday and Saturday were also spent at the house just hanging out, nothing too crazy, but just fun.

Oh fuck. Except that Kodi was smashed on Saturday night and started eating weeks old tomatoes whole for no reason. Everyone convened in the kitchen to watch him down three moldy tomatoes. Everyone laughed. Then trying to keep the fun going, we took down a bottle of vinegar off the fridge. This kid fucking starts to chug vinegar. Just watching it made literally everyone gag. Then he squeezes maple syrup into his mouth. Then starts taking swigs of soy sauce.

Then throws up half-digested tomatoes all over the kitchen floor.

He later told me that it was the soy sauce that threw him over the edge. I would have thought soy sauce would have been easier going down than distilled vinegar, but live and learn.

We headed down to the OST afterwards. Me, Silva, Dustin, and Lisa K. sat around a table and watch some fat girl in tight ass clothes make out with six different guys, as well as make an attempt to dance, which just resulted in witnessing cellulite ripple like a stone thrown into a pond. It disgusted us so much we started to freestyle rap about how gross it was. True, we are just two white dorks and an Asian dude, but we spit mad shit.

Which brought an end to my poor man's spring break. Sure, it didn't involve a sunny beach or a foam party, but I bet you never get to see a kid drink vinegar in Cabo.



Mmmmmm......basic.

I Got A Blarney Stone You Can Kiss RIGHT HERE!

Kent Brockman: Top o' the morning to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent O'Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little Irish, except, of course, for the gays, and the Italians.

Ah, yes, St. Patrick's Day. The day that grips Oneonta by the throat and strangles the town until it is a lifeless mass covered in its own vomit and urine.

This town takes its Patty's Day celebrations seriously; not only do most people wake up earlier than they do on any other day, and not only do they not go to any classes, but this past week I've seen kids getting genuinely PISSED at their teachers for scheduling anything either on, or the day after St. Patrick's Day. In my Composition class, the kids weaseled the teacher into pushing paper a paper's due date, and in the class I TA for, some girls were really, really pissed that a test was being given tomorrow, the day after.

So basicially students think St. Patty's Day is a four day weekend.

I am not partaking in the festivities this year, as I have a big speech I have to give tomorrow at 9am, and don't feel like fucking it up.

The only thing that makes me a little unhappy about not taking part in the festivities is around 5:30 this afternoon, when the majority of the revelers are out of their minds drunk and having a fantastic time, and I'm hunched over a textbook studying. This is the hardest part of the day; I begin to question whether it's right to put my schoolwork before fun. But then tomorrow when I'm doing my speech and not bloated, purple, and dead on a toilet, it'll seem worth it.

I can hold off until next year: not only will it be senior year and most of my friends will be 21 by then, but St. Patty's Day is also on a Friday. Just imagine the possibilities.

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone. Hopefully your liver will forgive you.


Liver of a SUNY Oneonta student after 4 St. Patick's Days.

"Dave's Blog Is Fantastic Fun!" - Raves InStyle Magazine

We have made another fan of this site out of the Captain, who I'm assuming stumbled across the link for the site during an 'Away Message Check' at work.

Mabbes22 (1:52:23 PM): i have wasted 2/3 of my work shift reading your blog
Mabbes22 (1:53:10 PM): i could be doing something like looking for internships or playing bmx backflips
Mabbes22 (1:53:15 PM): you are my hero Abrams

Hecubus330 (1:49:20 PM): captian is loving your blog
Hecubus330 (1:49:40 PM): Mabbes22 (1:49:25 PM): this kid needs to write a book
Mabbes22 (1:49:28 PM): hes the maddox of Oneonta

After a short screentest to assess my reading abilities, I am now officially the Sports anchor for Venue on Wednesdays. Which means for the zero people who watch Channel 78 on campus or channel 23 in Oneonta, they will get to see my ugly mug talk for a few minutes on a TV set reminsicent of someone's basement setup for a cable access show during the '70s.

Me and Gish traded stories about how many times we have run from the police and not gotten caught. He had one, I had two. I win because of my extensive training in Metal Gear Solid.

Has anyone seen this Kotex tampon ad describing all the roles a woman has to play in one day? It says how women have such a fucking burden on their shoulders, they have so be so many things to so many people everyday:

"Every woman needs to be a girlfriend, a tomboy, a vixen, a maverick, and a genius....all in one day!"

Get real. It's called living a life. See, its things like this that make girls unpleasable. If they get this notion in their heads that they are such dynamic and incredible people just for not being robots and doing one activity all day long, they are bound to demand of their significant others everything they think they deserve, because they are worth it.

You don't see commercials for guys saying:

"Since you have to be a provider, a protector, a Herculean god, a tender romantic, a Victorian gentlemen, and a daredevil all in one day, Oberto's Beef Jerky is the jerky for you."

For some inexplicable and unnerving reason, they have a forum on the Kotex Pantyliners website; what they expect people to be talking about is beyond me. However, someone has touched on this subject.

But I'm over it until the next time I see it.

As a parting gift, here is the answer that has plagued those who play pool at the OST for centuries.

Talk About Confidence

Yeah, this makes me feel very good about next year, sounds like people really believe in me:

silvamania: thats what everyone was sayin
silvamania: your like rob
silvamania: your merely a shadow of him

Rob Ax 660: no I was the Neo of Wony, you are just one of the people who gopt killed in the first one
Fantom05 : I was that little mouser kid
Rob Ax 660: exactly
Rob Ax 660: you managed to get out of the matrix, but when you did, you were just useless

Thanks a bunch, fuckers.

This Thought Popped Into My Head During Fundamentals of Management Class

Has anyone ever seen pictures or videos of little kids who are bodybuilders? Like they're 7 years old, and they're rippling with muscle?

It is so fucking weird.

Busted like Lisa Kingsbury's Face

My Bachelor Night was a complete bust. I was down at the OST until about 6:30 tonight handing out WONY T-shirts and hanging out with Silva, Meg, and Miller shooting the breeze.

I tried to catch the bus after I left, but since OPT makes up the bus schedule day-by-day, I ended up sitting at the stop at the parking garage for a while freezing in the snow.

I had to walk up to Silva's apartment and sit there for a while since I didn't know when the bus was coming. We ended up watching the 'Newman-ium' episode of Seinfeld, then some Tech TV, with one attempt at sprinting towards the bus stop mixed in, only with it screetching away in my face.

I finally got home at like 8:30, and surprise surprise Gish is here. If you refer to my Bachelor Day guide, it is required for you to be alone. So out of all the days that he is not in the room, tonight has to be the one he chooses to spend hanging around and sleeping here. And of course my gay ass fucking RA roommate has to be Mr. Everything Needs to be Super Loud, and left his speakers on full blast, so all of this shit that happened tonight has had the fucking creaking and slamming of doors from Instant Messenger blaring through my wall.

So as I write this I am in kind of a bad mood. And I have to spend the entire day tomorrow doing work. Fuck-a-doodle-doo.

But on the plus side you can look at this comic strip I made:

Stupid Comic I Made

I have a feeling I might make a lot more of those.

Kings of All Media....In a 3-Mile Radius

Awesome radio show tonight. Silva and I brought a copy of Cosmo down and deconstructed it piece by piece, pointing out how it warps girl's mind into not being happy and content with relationships, and how it makes them think they are "worth it," when in reality they should just be happy with what they have.

It went on for literally 35 minutes, with plenty of calls and IMs. After we finished and played music for the last 20 min. of our show, we actually got a lot of calls from people telling us how funny they thought it was. Some girl said she was about to take a shower, but had to sit and listen to it because she liked it so much. Hooray for us.

Looking forward to the weekend, I'm not going to go out Friday, rather use the free time for a Bachelor Night. I'm so excited about it.

That's it. Have a quiz tomorrow in crazy teacher's class, yadda yadda yadda.

But before I go, does anyone else think that the phrase "Hilarity ensues" should NEVER be used in an article describing someone's death?

No More Pencils, No More Books, No More Management Teacher's Dirty Looks

So I'm taking this class where the teacher really sucks: she comes in and just reads off the PowerPoints that she got right from the textbook CD, breezes through things, saying only, "Eh, read it in the book," and seems just very unenthused at the whole situation.

But when we have a quiz or test, she turns into fucking Big Brother. In this tiny little classroom in the corner of IRC, she makes us moves all the desks around so that no one is sitting next to someone else, makes everyone put their bags and coats in the front of the class, has eleven different versions of the test, and scans the room while everyone is taking it like she is standing in a lookout tower in Attica with a semi-automatic in her hand.

Last Friday we took our first test, and surprise surprise, it was one of the hardest tests I've taken in a long time. Why is it that all the teachers who act like they don't give a fuck always have the hardest tests? Anyway, so the test was much harder than she said it would be, blah blah blah. We come in Monday, and she goes into this tirade about how everyone did very poorly, and how we all need to study more than the night before, and how she refuses to 'dumb' the class down just so people will do good.

This made me snap. She asked the class before we were done for the day if anyone had any suggestions on how the class could be improved to e-mail her. During the whole class period, I was hatching a plan to deal with this lady, because I was sick of her thinking she was some superstar educator when in reality her role was to read us lecture notes.

I went back to my room, made up a fake e-mail address on Yahoo!, and launched into what ended up to be a two page stanza on what was actually going on in the class. I kept it civil, but I called her out on not making up the PowerPoint or test questions on her own and just taking them from the book publisher, on the fact she just reads the notes to us without really giving us anything to supplement it, and how she acted like she didn't even care when she was in class. It was anonymous for the fact that I don't think a teacher can stay objective towards a student when a student has voiced such opinions. I don't feel like having this lady be on my ass for the next two months. I hesitated to send it, but then finally built up the courage and clicked the Send button.

Today was the first day of class since I sent it in.

She came in, thanked everyone for sending in suggestions, and then talked about how she got an anonymous e-mail.

"In twenty-three years of teaching, I have never had anything like this happen before. It really creeped me out. "

But you know what? Right after she got done talking about it, she announced she was going to restructure how our tests were given (now we're having a "test/quiz" every few chapters instead of some gargantuan test every month), and also went through the notes today a lot less rushed, explaining the theories and concepts fully.

I guess it pays to have a big mouth every once in a while.



Go over the notes? Nah, I don't feel like it, just read your textbook.
I'm going to talk about the piece of apple skin caught in my teeth instead.
Now, it was a Thursday, and I was eating a Granny Smith...

Missing like Everything But the Girl

It's been almost two weeks since I've posted anything worth mentioning. But I had one of those 'Back From Break' weeks. The kind where the teacher is trying to get everyone back into the swing of things by having a big test or something due when you get back from a break.

Unfortunately, all of my techers took this mentality, so I've been swamped; two tests, reading, speeches, etc.

But since I got over the hump of all that, I'll be able to post more regularly again.

Not that I've had much to talk about anyway. Unless you find studying Herzberg's 2 Factor Theory or learning about the North and South Bridges of a computer's chip set interesting.

So until next time.

Here is the manliest video of all time to occupy you until then.

Apache Gattling Gun

If we have shit like this, and are still not beating the shit out of Iraqi insurgents, something is wrong in the world.

Busy As a Bee, Lazy As a Fuck

Updates soon. Give me a break.

Conquering the Black Panther

WARNING: The following my bore you. It is about reading books.

In my senior year of high school, I began reading for pleasure again. I did when I was younger; I used to be obsessed with the Goosebumps books by R.L. Stine. But then reading became 'really gay', and I had more important things to do, like play Sega Genesis.

But because of a video game, and because of sheer boredom in my senior year English class run by the infamous Mr. Cannon, I started reading again. 1984 was the first book I picked up from that room on the 3rd floor of Harborfields, since I had heard a lot about it and knew the term 'Big Brother' came from it, I thought I'd give it a go.

Over the past 4 years, reading has become quite a pastime for me; if I don't have a book I'm reading at any particular point, I feel like I'm missing out on something. I found the Modern Library's Top 100 list of the 20th century that senior year, deciding since I knew nothing about 'great' literature, this was as good a place to start as any. But there was a monster on that list, #1 on the list: Ulysses.

Everything I read about the book summed it up as this gargantuan undertaking of literature; most agreeing it was more or less unreadable, but all saying it was a fantastic feat in literature. In fact, most of the people who compiled the Top 100 list who voted it to the top had never actually read the book cover to cover.

But as of today, Thursday, February 18 of 2005, I can say that I have read Ulysses in its entirety.

I was originally going to read this book first, but after reading such reviews as this and this, I put it off. I got 36 of the other books on the list under my belt before I decided I was ready to take on the monster. Kristin was taking a Joyce class in which they were going to read it, and they were having public sessions with the teacher (who is a Joycean scholar, yes, such a thing exists), so I thought I'd take the advantage of having a professional walk me through it so I could understand it as much as possible.

I only made it to a few of the meetings, and had only read about 1/3 of the book by the time the semester was through. But I wasn't going to stop; I had committed too much time, and I want to read every book on the list.

Now that I am done, I agree with those other Net reviews--kind of. The book is so fucking hard. You can't even imagine. I don't see anyone ever reading it all they way through just for the pure enjoyment of it. Parts of it get so tedious that I really wanted to stop, and I did for a long time, only reading about four or five pages a week. But I AM GOING TO FINISH THAT FUCKING LIST. In the past month, I put some major speed into it, and read about half the book since late December.

I never had a book consume my life like this; it was like a tumor, always following me around. Hell, I've been reading it since September, and I only finished today.

If you want a VERY brief and inaccurate synopsis, click here. That's the bare bones skeleton of the story. But there is SO MUCH symbolism, metaphors, and whatnot in this book, that although it might be difficult, it is quite an amazing, interesting read. I still can't believe how many layers there are to this book.

I know not many of you care, so I'll finish this up. I literally just finished it 20 min. ago and needed to vent somewhere.

I know most of the people that read this site don't read for leisure. Scratch that, I know you don't read period. And no, reading The DaVinci Code doesn't count as "I read sometimes." Which is fine, I'm not judging. But if anyone out there reads, and likes to read the classics, honestly.......I don't know if you could do it. I'm not saying I'm some superhuman literary master--far from it--but I had not only a teacher who had read the book ten times to consult on certain parts, but I also had the determination to finish it to cross it off my list.

I don't care what the other people said, this was a fantastic book. But you almost have to live it to really get something out of it. If you're cocky like those guys in those reviews and tried to read it without any assistance, then you have to get over yourself--you are not smart enough to read this book without any help. The ideas and things Joyce came up with are just amazing. But how smart can he really be if he wrote a book so inaccessible to everyone? That's not smart, because no matter how good a book is, if no one wants to read it, you've failed.

Whatever. Maybe I'm a nerd. I don't care. All I know is I conquered the 800-lb. gorilla of English literature, and I understood it. I'm proud of myself.


Throwaway...

Oneonta: God's Weather Test Lab

Oneonta has, without question, the most bizarre weather patterns on the planet Earth. In the past 72 hours, it has been 60 degrees, then snowed 2 inches, then 50 degrees, then snow melted in 34 degree rain. This morning it was 50 when I woke up, mostly cloudy. I went to a class with no windows. I come out 50 min.. later, and it is pouring rain; harder than I've seen it rain in a long time. I check the school's real-time weather, the temperature had dropped to 38 in, no joke, 15 minutes. As I write this, it is snowing and 34, and the sun is coming out. It's supposed to continue to snow until Saturday, with daytime highs in the teens. Then get warm again. Then a volcano is going to erupt on Main Street. Then we're going to get a torrent of blue ice, then a desert is going to consume the town. But don't worry, a glacier is predicted to be moving in next Monday.

No wonder everyone is sick. I was regaled with a story about how my Management teacher threw up on the side of the road the other day. My Public Speaking teacher had the shits, my roommate is on the verge of death, and Silva is having mouth infections.

Going home this Friday for our first week long break of the semester, but it won't be too relaxing, because not only do I have tests galore when we come back, but I also have an appointment to get my wisdom teeth pulled next Monday. I'm not too concerned about it right now, but I know the day before, it will finally hit me how much it is going to suck, and I'll hate life for a few days. People always say, "Who cares, dude? You get a ton of drugsssssssss.." Shut up. I don't care. I'd trade in being in a medicated stupor for days to be able to snap my fingers and have them out any day. I'm sick of feeling like a teething baby.

Whatever. I have to go write a paper on a "place" for advanced composition. Thanks for not being ambiguous, jerk.

Obligatory Social Commentary on Valentine's Day

It seems like you have to hate this holiday. Maybe not have to, but its cool to. It gets so tiresome to hear people ramble on about how it was just created by card companies to boost sales, like Secretary's Day and Christmas.

Walking around campus today, I was hearing people talking about it. Surprisingly, a lot of girls were saying how they don't 'celebrate' the holiday.

Yet is it coincidence that most of these same girls don't have boyfriends? Come on. You know if they had a boyfriend and he didn't get her anything, these same chicks would be bawling their eyes out. Don't pretend you don't want flowers and dinner and all that shit, because no one believes you. I bet you don't even believe yourself. It's almost like its a second birthday for women. Why would you give up a second birthday? You wouldn't, you liar.

Now for a guy, its a little more understandable: most guys do all the buying and paying on Valentine's Day. And I'm sure you know one of these guys who says things like, "Fuck that shit. Even if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't get her nothin'." But I would put money down that if these guys had some girl they knew that if they could take her out on Feb. 14th, wine and dine her, then take her home for a little of the old in-out-in-out, that they would jump at the chance. A guy doesn't mind shelling out cash as long as it leads to pussy. Any guy reading this: you know that if it was guaranteed that some hot chick you know would bone you, and all you had to do was buy a fucking bear and some candy, you would be all over it. Yes you would.

So to sum this all up, I dislike hearing people bitch about Valentine's Day. Just accept it. Yes, it is ridiculous that we are held at gunpoint by tradition to follow go out and buy candy and cards and flowers. But how is it any different from a birthday, if you think about it? A birthday really doesn't mean a thing. But we have to do it because its tradition. So the way I look at it, go out, spend $150 on shit that will be thrown away in a week, go eat some food by candlelight, stick the pee-pee in the hole, and accept it.


This guy believes in a thing called love.
Just listen to the rhythmofhisheart.

Bachelor Day

So yesterday I woke up at like 9, got up took a shower, etc. I went with Kristin, her roommate and their friend to breakfast at the Neptune. They all had some things they were doing together; going to see their friend play basketball, get some haircuts, go to a movie, change their tampons, you know, usual girl stuff.

This left me with a rare Saturday with really nothing to do. I got some work done early, but other than that, nothing was of terrible importance that needed to be done right away. It was going to be a Bachelor Day.

A Bachelor Day can happen with anyone, significant other or otherwise. All it really entails is being a complete lazy slob and doing nothing that could even be remotely construed as productive.

I knew this was also going to be a Bachelor Day for some others. I had to go down to Silva's house to retrieve my iPod from his house, where it was left for safe keeping instead of carrying it around in my pocket when I'm drunk, almost ensuring it would be lost. Anyway, so I go to his house. Everyone had left for the weekend, so he had the entire place to himself (which is an important element in a B.D.--total isolation).

I head in, and Silva looks as if he hadn't slept for three weeks, got hit by a train, and didn't bathe afterward. Grizzled face, wrinkled, stained, damp undershirt, worn and faded flannel pajama pants. His room had no lights on and had minimal light coming in from the cloudy, snowy day outside, there were clothes and papers everywhere, and sitting on his desk was the crust of a sandwich that had probably been eaten days ago. He was staring at his computer screen with a sniper's attention, playing Counter-Strike. This was the epitome of a B.D. if I had ever seen it.

I must have been subconsciously inspired, because I had a similar experience later in the day. I sat and listened to music while I browsed the Internet. Then I put in an old Western movie, got hungry, didn't fee like turning the movie off, so I ate cold soup straight out of the can. I ended up with soup all over front of my shirt, as well as the sleeves. When the movie was done, instead of turning it off, I just jumped on top of my bed with my sneakers on, folded my comforter in half and covered myself, and took a nap with the static DVD menu providing the only light.

I later ordered a pizza and watched another movie. Then I masturbated. Then I played video games.

The only way a day like this could be topped is if I won the lottery.

What the Fuck is Going On?

It's almost 4am, and for some unknown and eerily bizarre reason, I am looking at pictures of people with progeria online.

What the fuck?

STOP PLAYING GAMES

I swear that girls are born masochists. They love being upset and sad. Every one of them. For example, I read a profile with this quote in it:

Sometimes people put up a walls not to keep people out, but to see

who cares enough to break them down...

Now this isn't the first time I've read this before; I've seen a few girls either have it in profiles, or away messages, or some other nonsense.

This is usually written when a girl feels like someone, could be either a guy or one of their girlfriends but is usually a guy, is not making the effort to accommodate to their every whim.

For the record, I would like to say that anyone who subscribes to this or believes this is a valid way to live life should be poisoned. It is a perfect example of how girl's just thrive on playing little fucking baby games in relationships.

More or less what this implies is that the Girl was been acting like an asshole, being very snotty and evasive. Say the Guy asked the Girl if something was wrong. "No. Nothing. I'm fine," is the icy response Guy gets. At this point, Guy has two choices to make. He can either keep asking Girl to tell him what's bothering her, which is what Girl wants, or he can just say "Fuck it." and let Girl not get any satisfaction from sending him into this inane guessing game. It takes a man with strong nerve to take Option 2 right away. Most guys at least give Option 1 a try.

Now, it doesn't matter how much Guy persists in Option 1, Girl will swear up and down nothing is wrong, when something obviously is. This is the essence of what is wrong with Girl. Why would she do this to Guy? What is she trying to do? The answer is obvious, yet so amazingly frustrating I'm surprised men haven't killed all the women in the world as retaliation. She wants everyone she knows to pour all their attention on her; she needs to feel like people care about her. Fact is, there are so many other, more rational ways to go about this. But no, ALL girls will do this. There must be instructions on how this is done in the handbook given to every woman when she has her first menstrual cycle.

Anyway, Guy gets fed up with constantly asking and pining away to solve Girl's problems. Guy thinks "Fuck this. I'm not putting up with this shit anymore. Let her go be miserable." When Guy is finally pushed to this, that is when Girl puts up a quotation like the one above. She has isolated herself because no one wants to take her shit anymore. This makes her very upset, and claims she was just doing it to see who cared enough to try and make her feel better.

Well, you deserve to be miserable if you pull this. Now, any girls who are reading this, if you are honest with yourself, you have done this. No, don't shake your head. Don't tell yourself, "I'm not like that." You are like that. Trust me. You have done this. You might have done it and not even known it. But you probably did. You are all very methodical. But let me just inform you on something about men.

Men hate this more than anything. ANYTHING. If you ask a guy would he rather get kicked in the balls once a day, or have a girlfriend who plays little fucking games, he will say, "Kick me in the nuts everyday. It's less painful." It is. You all don't know how crazy this makes us.

Or you do. That's the problem. You know what makes us insane. And if you do this, knowingly plot this out and execute it, you are one of the worst creatures on earth.

But this post isn't even meant to just rip into you. I want to help you. Cause I know when a girl executes this, she ends up believing it and truly getting upset. So a word of advice that will save you heartache for the rest of your life: Never, ever, ever, play games in a relationship. If you are upset, say so.

If you do this, things will be worked out and better so much faster, and with so much less aggravation and stress, you won't believe it. Try it out. Next time you feel like being coy to your boyfriend, just tell him what you're thinking. You may surprise yourself at how well it works.

I told my boyfriend I wasn't upset, but I was!Why isn't he killing himself to make mefeel better?!?!?!

Post Over the Phone When You Have Nothing to Say

Review: Sideways

I am hesitant to write a review of Sideways; I'm pretty sure that after you read what I have to say, you'll think it's a pretty boring movie. It isn't, but then again I'm not very handy with words.

The plot of Sideways reminds me of the plot of a novel: two friends go on a week long trip to the California wine country and talk about life. Usually a synopsis like this turns me off immediately. I hate movies about whiny middle-class people who are angry at life for no good reason. But this movie isn't like that at all.

Paul Giamatti's character can't get over a divorce from his wife. Tom Church (who we all know from the TV show that single-handedly changed the face of television--Ned and Stacy) is Giamatti's polar opposite, and is a guy who just wants to party all the time and bang a lot of chicks--which is what causes a lot of problems considering he is getting married when these guys get back from their trip.

Nothing in the film was really too far-fetched. I hate these movies where the audience is supposed to just accept some ridiculous thing a character does just to advance the plot. I can't stand movies that do that. But all the character's actions go along with what they do the whole movie.

It had funny moments but I wouldn't really say it was funny.

It's really hard to describe. Maybe I liked it a lot because I, unfortunately, related to Miles. I was glad that it didn't make these wine tasting people look like very bright, deep, intelligent people. It kind of showed them to be very into themselves, like the only reason they sit there and describe wine with all these adjectives is so look smart kind of thing. But it also served as a device to illustrate how different the two friends were.

Regardless of how much I liked it, I can't see it winning the Best Picture Oscar. It kinds of lacks that punch that a Best Picture should have. Gish, who I saw this movie with on a little man-date we shared, said the Aviator was better.

Whatever, it was good. Worth the cash if you're OK with something that will be a little more subdued than your average flick. Plus, some fat waitress is naked in it. Perfect for the guy who likes a little meat with his potatoes, if you know what I'm sprayin'.

Grade: B+

People Are Stupid

First, I'll give an example of how I am stupid, then the stupidity of others.

I woke up this morning to go to my 9am class. I get up, get dressed, take my bag, and off to class. I got there a bit early, since we had a quiz I wanted to review for. I'm sitting there for a few minutes, and no one else trickles in. I start to wonder what the hell is going on.

I look at my watch.

7:47 am.

I felt like such an asshole. And even as I was walking to class, I'm looking around and I only saw like 3 or 4 other people, and no cars driving. Like an asshole, I thought "Hmm. I guess nobody's showing up for their classes this morning."

But I am not the only idiot. When I got back to my room, I spent some time just browsing the Internet. As the real class time approached, I started to get ready, and put up an away message. I came up with the idea to use the infamous %n function, and put up some classic drunken IM jargon.

%n: hey
%n: helooooooooooo
%n: imn drunnnnnnnnnnnnk rihgt now
%n: and i fucknig love ti
%n: i spiled alloverr my shirt n pants ,too

Seriously, stop IMming me when you go out, its annoying
_____________________________________________

As I was doing it, I had a feeling people would fall for this. It just seemed too genuine. I had feeling people would think I was trying to be funny by putting shit up there they know they didn't say. Sure enough, when I got back to the room:

Hecubus330 (8:44:27 AM): we all know that's fake cause i don't use this screename when drunk. ass.
later, from the same person, mind you....
snail shelled (3:16:53 PM): oh you got me this time abrams

silvamania (11:29:55 AM): lol whent he fuck did i say that
notice he writes sober like he does when he's drunk.
silvamania (11:30:18 AM): ooooh u trickster
I would've loved to have been in the room to see his face when it dawned on him

I bet I fooled other people, although they were too smart to send an IM.

I Got a Basketball Jones

Daly called me on Saturday and asked if I wanted to announce the basketball game Tuesday night. With out thinking, I said yes.

Wait, hold on. Basketball?

I know nothing about bsketball. Nothing. How the fuck am I going to pull live play-by-play broadcasting live on the air out of my ass?

Luckily, Silva, who knows more about basketball than I do, was co-hosting. But neither of us had any experience in calling a sports game, especially live. The joke was the whole weekend that it was going to be the biggest fuck up in sports history; just making shit up, talking about completely different subjects, and so forth.

But, from all accounts, we didn't tear down the institution of broadcast announcing. In fact, most of the feedback has been pretty positive.

As I'm walking up to the Field House, I get a frantic call from Kristin. She says, and I'm quoting here:

"David, I need to borrow your car. My roommate's friend is bleeding out of her uterine lining, and I need to drive her to the hospital."

Oh yes, that's what I want; I want you shuttle some random girl I've never met around in my car WITH BLOOD POURING OUT OF HER VAGINA. Why would I have a problem with that?

Fortunately, some RA took the girl, forcing me not to have to make the decision of letting someone bleed, or having afterbirth in my backseat.

I thought this was going to set the tempo for the night. And it almost did. Once I got to the Field House, I meet up with Silva and Kodi, who helped set up the remote so we could broadcast. As they're doing this, Kodi and Mark Hine realize they don't have any batteries for the microphones, rendering them useless. (And, if you are a student at Oneonta, you know they then must be +48 phantom power mics, as this is the only thing you get out of a Mass Comm. education in Oneonta.) So we improvise with some mics that are normally attached to cameras. As we are getting settled, Silva and I ask if there is a way to play music during halftime and timeouts, so we don't have to make idle chatter; of course there is not. We notice a line in outlet on the remote, which meant we could hook up a portable CD player. Silva rushes home to get his. Doesn't find it, and get back with literally 11 seconds before we go on.

But from then on, we did well. One of the mics didn't work, so we had to share one, getting so close we were on the verge of kissing. And the fac that we knew none of the players names, meant a lot of "Shot by Number 27...........................................Kimmy Monroe."

But we actually did well with calling the action, and the color commentary/banter. Since I had no clue what was going on, I would look up stats, randomly add in a "Oh, looks like they're running a Georgetown offense," and come up with metaphors for what was going on. One of the better interactions was:

Dave: "Oh, and she really wanted that ball. She stole that thing like a loaf of bread in an old Arabian market."
John: "......Where the HELL did you get that from?"
Dave: "Aladdin, John."

And so forth. The people that listened said it was funny, and that we actually sounded legit, which was by some crazy sort of luck.

We're going to try to do more games this season. Who knows, maybe I'll get a career as a sportscaster?