Well, I Guess It's Suicide For Me

I think of a lot of stuff to write whenever I'm home, but with the computer in the frigid basement, I usually just opt to sit and stare at the furniture in the living room.

Break has been ok. The first two days I spent playing God of War, which I beat on Saturday in under nine hours. Sunday and Monday I just sat on my ass, and it was beautiful.

But by Tuesday, God decided that I was in too good a mood, and everything has gone downhill since.

Tuesday I had an internship with News 12, which didn't go so well. I thought it was going to be the usual interview, but instead it was with another applicant. By coincidence, the person I was interviewed with not only happened to be from Oneonta, but someone I have had a lot of classes with. So me and her go in, the lady asks us, "Why do you want to intern at News 12?" That was the only question. The rest of it was her telling us about the place. They only take 30 people a summer, and I heard the secretary telling her, "How many more today?" So I figure a lot of people applied, and the interview didn't give me a good feeling when it was over. So that ruined my day.

(As a sidebar, I hung out with Joe Gibbs last night, and we played God of War from 10pm to 4am.)

So today, fucking fantastic. I got up at 10:30 this morning, cleaned, vacuumed, and washed my car for the first time in almost a year. Took a shower, got in the car to go to Kristin's, and get a phone call from Silva.

"Yo Dave: bad news, man. I got an IM from Miller, said for me to tell you that the MIC said they don't want anything to do with us anymore and we can't use their equipment for WONYpalooza. Gotta go."

Now Silva is infamous for having poor skills at ending a conversation on the phone, but I don't know if it was because he knew I would freak out, because why didn't Miller just tell me herself? I get the feeling no one likes to give me bad news. Regardless, I spent the rest of the day screaming at Kristin and giving myself high blood pressure trying to figure out what to do. And remembering that I have two quizzes, a speech, and two tests within a week of getting back. So the rest of my break will be spent doing homework and trying to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do about getting equipment for the show.

Great relaxing fucking week.

Oh, and I found out where my brother is living in Arizona next year. Keep in mind, my dad recently told me that I would have to pay for my own food next year, because we have no money:

The Village on University

So my brother gets to live in a fucking palace and go to "school", while I get ulcers and scrimp so I can eat. That's fair.


OH SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE/SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE/I'M ON MY KNEES/PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE/KILL ME

I Have Been Busy

I'll write about what's been going on the past few days tonight, I promise. In the meantime, here's this:

You Want Fingers With That?

Honestly, how the hell does this happen? This is the sort of thing that people just say about fast-food to make it sound gross to people who don't care. But really, there's a line that was crossed with this one. I'm going to make sure I watch out for any follow-up story when they find out how it got there, because I'm racking my brain, and I can't think of any logical reason.

OH FUCK

Fucking insane.

Poor Man's Spring Break

Since I'm too poor to afford any trips for next week's break, I guess this weekend was the universe's way to even things out. Kind of. Even though it was fun, it still doesn't compare to going on a trip to a tropical beach.

St. Patty's Day was pretty fun, even though I didn't drink. I headed down to Kodi's about five to hang out for an hour before my radio show which Silva so cowardly weaseled out of. All week he doesn't say a word to me about not doing the show on St. Pat's, then waits until I put up an away message on Thursday afternoon to leave an IM saying something along the lines of:

"dude dont know if im going to make the show tonight ill cover a show of yours whenever you want i swear"

I unexpectedly drop by the house, Silva's already half in the bag, and I fuck with him a little bit by turning the tables and asking him if he minds doing the show alone because I want to party. He made this classic face of awkwardness, shrugged, and said "Uhhhhhhhhhhh........I was.........kinda hopin'..........you'd do it."

I told him I would but called him a coward for bailing at the last second, he laughed and said he was scared to confront me, like I'm his dad and he's telling me he got a girl pregnant. But I was given mad props for calling him all on it, and it made me feel happy inside. I love mad props.

Kodi was a complete mess, running around in some 1978 track uniform. Luckily I showed up when he had clothes on, because he not only ran down Church St. nude, but also told me later how he pulled out his dick playing beer pong, and since it was flaccid, he was pulling on it like Silly Putty to try and stretch it out. Kodi is seriously one of a kind.

After I left, people hung out, Bill got electrocuted and had to go to the hospital, blah blah blah, just your usual St. Patty's Day stuff.

Friday and Saturday were also spent at the house just hanging out, nothing too crazy, but just fun.

Oh fuck. Except that Kodi was smashed on Saturday night and started eating weeks old tomatoes whole for no reason. Everyone convened in the kitchen to watch him down three moldy tomatoes. Everyone laughed. Then trying to keep the fun going, we took down a bottle of vinegar off the fridge. This kid fucking starts to chug vinegar. Just watching it made literally everyone gag. Then he squeezes maple syrup into his mouth. Then starts taking swigs of soy sauce.

Then throws up half-digested tomatoes all over the kitchen floor.

He later told me that it was the soy sauce that threw him over the edge. I would have thought soy sauce would have been easier going down than distilled vinegar, but live and learn.

We headed down to the OST afterwards. Me, Silva, Dustin, and Lisa K. sat around a table and watch some fat girl in tight ass clothes make out with six different guys, as well as make an attempt to dance, which just resulted in witnessing cellulite ripple like a stone thrown into a pond. It disgusted us so much we started to freestyle rap about how gross it was. True, we are just two white dorks and an Asian dude, but we spit mad shit.

Which brought an end to my poor man's spring break. Sure, it didn't involve a sunny beach or a foam party, but I bet you never get to see a kid drink vinegar in Cabo.



Mmmmmm......basic.

I Got A Blarney Stone You Can Kiss RIGHT HERE!

Kent Brockman: Top o' the morning to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent O'Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little Irish, except, of course, for the gays, and the Italians.

Ah, yes, St. Patrick's Day. The day that grips Oneonta by the throat and strangles the town until it is a lifeless mass covered in its own vomit and urine.

This town takes its Patty's Day celebrations seriously; not only do most people wake up earlier than they do on any other day, and not only do they not go to any classes, but this past week I've seen kids getting genuinely PISSED at their teachers for scheduling anything either on, or the day after St. Patrick's Day. In my Composition class, the kids weaseled the teacher into pushing paper a paper's due date, and in the class I TA for, some girls were really, really pissed that a test was being given tomorrow, the day after.

So basicially students think St. Patty's Day is a four day weekend.

I am not partaking in the festivities this year, as I have a big speech I have to give tomorrow at 9am, and don't feel like fucking it up.

The only thing that makes me a little unhappy about not taking part in the festivities is around 5:30 this afternoon, when the majority of the revelers are out of their minds drunk and having a fantastic time, and I'm hunched over a textbook studying. This is the hardest part of the day; I begin to question whether it's right to put my schoolwork before fun. But then tomorrow when I'm doing my speech and not bloated, purple, and dead on a toilet, it'll seem worth it.

I can hold off until next year: not only will it be senior year and most of my friends will be 21 by then, but St. Patty's Day is also on a Friday. Just imagine the possibilities.

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone. Hopefully your liver will forgive you.


Liver of a SUNY Oneonta student after 4 St. Patick's Days.

"Dave's Blog Is Fantastic Fun!" - Raves InStyle Magazine

We have made another fan of this site out of the Captain, who I'm assuming stumbled across the link for the site during an 'Away Message Check' at work.

Mabbes22 (1:52:23 PM): i have wasted 2/3 of my work shift reading your blog
Mabbes22 (1:53:10 PM): i could be doing something like looking for internships or playing bmx backflips
Mabbes22 (1:53:15 PM): you are my hero Abrams

Hecubus330 (1:49:20 PM): captian is loving your blog
Hecubus330 (1:49:40 PM): Mabbes22 (1:49:25 PM): this kid needs to write a book
Mabbes22 (1:49:28 PM): hes the maddox of Oneonta

After a short screentest to assess my reading abilities, I am now officially the Sports anchor for Venue on Wednesdays. Which means for the zero people who watch Channel 78 on campus or channel 23 in Oneonta, they will get to see my ugly mug talk for a few minutes on a TV set reminsicent of someone's basement setup for a cable access show during the '70s.

Me and Gish traded stories about how many times we have run from the police and not gotten caught. He had one, I had two. I win because of my extensive training in Metal Gear Solid.

Has anyone seen this Kotex tampon ad describing all the roles a woman has to play in one day? It says how women have such a fucking burden on their shoulders, they have so be so many things to so many people everyday:

"Every woman needs to be a girlfriend, a tomboy, a vixen, a maverick, and a genius....all in one day!"

Get real. It's called living a life. See, its things like this that make girls unpleasable. If they get this notion in their heads that they are such dynamic and incredible people just for not being robots and doing one activity all day long, they are bound to demand of their significant others everything they think they deserve, because they are worth it.

You don't see commercials for guys saying:

"Since you have to be a provider, a protector, a Herculean god, a tender romantic, a Victorian gentlemen, and a daredevil all in one day, Oberto's Beef Jerky is the jerky for you."

For some inexplicable and unnerving reason, they have a forum on the Kotex Pantyliners website; what they expect people to be talking about is beyond me. However, someone has touched on this subject.

But I'm over it until the next time I see it.

As a parting gift, here is the answer that has plagued those who play pool at the OST for centuries.

Talk About Confidence

Yeah, this makes me feel very good about next year, sounds like people really believe in me:

silvamania: thats what everyone was sayin
silvamania: your like rob
silvamania: your merely a shadow of him

Rob Ax 660: no I was the Neo of Wony, you are just one of the people who gopt killed in the first one
Fantom05 : I was that little mouser kid
Rob Ax 660: exactly
Rob Ax 660: you managed to get out of the matrix, but when you did, you were just useless

Thanks a bunch, fuckers.

This Thought Popped Into My Head During Fundamentals of Management Class

Has anyone ever seen pictures or videos of little kids who are bodybuilders? Like they're 7 years old, and they're rippling with muscle?

It is so fucking weird.

Busted like Lisa Kingsbury's Face

My Bachelor Night was a complete bust. I was down at the OST until about 6:30 tonight handing out WONY T-shirts and hanging out with Silva, Meg, and Miller shooting the breeze.

I tried to catch the bus after I left, but since OPT makes up the bus schedule day-by-day, I ended up sitting at the stop at the parking garage for a while freezing in the snow.

I had to walk up to Silva's apartment and sit there for a while since I didn't know when the bus was coming. We ended up watching the 'Newman-ium' episode of Seinfeld, then some Tech TV, with one attempt at sprinting towards the bus stop mixed in, only with it screetching away in my face.

I finally got home at like 8:30, and surprise surprise Gish is here. If you refer to my Bachelor Day guide, it is required for you to be alone. So out of all the days that he is not in the room, tonight has to be the one he chooses to spend hanging around and sleeping here. And of course my gay ass fucking RA roommate has to be Mr. Everything Needs to be Super Loud, and left his speakers on full blast, so all of this shit that happened tonight has had the fucking creaking and slamming of doors from Instant Messenger blaring through my wall.

So as I write this I am in kind of a bad mood. And I have to spend the entire day tomorrow doing work. Fuck-a-doodle-doo.

But on the plus side you can look at this comic strip I made:

Stupid Comic I Made

I have a feeling I might make a lot more of those.

Kings of All Media....In a 3-Mile Radius

Awesome radio show tonight. Silva and I brought a copy of Cosmo down and deconstructed it piece by piece, pointing out how it warps girl's mind into not being happy and content with relationships, and how it makes them think they are "worth it," when in reality they should just be happy with what they have.

It went on for literally 35 minutes, with plenty of calls and IMs. After we finished and played music for the last 20 min. of our show, we actually got a lot of calls from people telling us how funny they thought it was. Some girl said she was about to take a shower, but had to sit and listen to it because she liked it so much. Hooray for us.

Looking forward to the weekend, I'm not going to go out Friday, rather use the free time for a Bachelor Night. I'm so excited about it.

That's it. Have a quiz tomorrow in crazy teacher's class, yadda yadda yadda.

But before I go, does anyone else think that the phrase "Hilarity ensues" should NEVER be used in an article describing someone's death?

No More Pencils, No More Books, No More Management Teacher's Dirty Looks

So I'm taking this class where the teacher really sucks: she comes in and just reads off the PowerPoints that she got right from the textbook CD, breezes through things, saying only, "Eh, read it in the book," and seems just very unenthused at the whole situation.

But when we have a quiz or test, she turns into fucking Big Brother. In this tiny little classroom in the corner of IRC, she makes us moves all the desks around so that no one is sitting next to someone else, makes everyone put their bags and coats in the front of the class, has eleven different versions of the test, and scans the room while everyone is taking it like she is standing in a lookout tower in Attica with a semi-automatic in her hand.

Last Friday we took our first test, and surprise surprise, it was one of the hardest tests I've taken in a long time. Why is it that all the teachers who act like they don't give a fuck always have the hardest tests? Anyway, so the test was much harder than she said it would be, blah blah blah. We come in Monday, and she goes into this tirade about how everyone did very poorly, and how we all need to study more than the night before, and how she refuses to 'dumb' the class down just so people will do good.

This made me snap. She asked the class before we were done for the day if anyone had any suggestions on how the class could be improved to e-mail her. During the whole class period, I was hatching a plan to deal with this lady, because I was sick of her thinking she was some superstar educator when in reality her role was to read us lecture notes.

I went back to my room, made up a fake e-mail address on Yahoo!, and launched into what ended up to be a two page stanza on what was actually going on in the class. I kept it civil, but I called her out on not making up the PowerPoint or test questions on her own and just taking them from the book publisher, on the fact she just reads the notes to us without really giving us anything to supplement it, and how she acted like she didn't even care when she was in class. It was anonymous for the fact that I don't think a teacher can stay objective towards a student when a student has voiced such opinions. I don't feel like having this lady be on my ass for the next two months. I hesitated to send it, but then finally built up the courage and clicked the Send button.

Today was the first day of class since I sent it in.

She came in, thanked everyone for sending in suggestions, and then talked about how she got an anonymous e-mail.

"In twenty-three years of teaching, I have never had anything like this happen before. It really creeped me out. "

But you know what? Right after she got done talking about it, she announced she was going to restructure how our tests were given (now we're having a "test/quiz" every few chapters instead of some gargantuan test every month), and also went through the notes today a lot less rushed, explaining the theories and concepts fully.

I guess it pays to have a big mouth every once in a while.



Go over the notes? Nah, I don't feel like it, just read your textbook.
I'm going to talk about the piece of apple skin caught in my teeth instead.
Now, it was a Thursday, and I was eating a Granny Smith...

Missing like Everything But the Girl

It's been almost two weeks since I've posted anything worth mentioning. But I had one of those 'Back From Break' weeks. The kind where the teacher is trying to get everyone back into the swing of things by having a big test or something due when you get back from a break.

Unfortunately, all of my techers took this mentality, so I've been swamped; two tests, reading, speeches, etc.

But since I got over the hump of all that, I'll be able to post more regularly again.

Not that I've had much to talk about anyway. Unless you find studying Herzberg's 2 Factor Theory or learning about the North and South Bridges of a computer's chip set interesting.

So until next time.

Here is the manliest video of all time to occupy you until then.

Apache Gattling Gun

If we have shit like this, and are still not beating the shit out of Iraqi insurgents, something is wrong in the world.

Busy As a Bee, Lazy As a Fuck

Updates soon. Give me a break.